IRAE ET LACRIMAE

happy new year!

2011-01-02T22:04:00.001-05:00

Contrary to popular misconception, karma has nothing to do with punishment and reward. It exists as part of our holographic universe's binary or dualistic operating system only to teach us responsibility for our creations-and all things we experience are our creations. -Sol Luckman

Fun fun fun! Got a nasty email on Jan 1st from who else but the unmentionable b*! Oh how nice of you trying to bait us to react. Her email did spur me into action... PRAYING! Oh sure, my intial reaction was to go punch the light out of her but then I took deep breaths and started praying. Praying harder and harder as the temptation to think horrible thoughts about her got stronger and stronger. I lay prostated before God asking for forgiveness for even thinking about harming one of His creation even though she is being hateful. I struggled and struggled until I fell into a peaceful sleep. I praise God for giving me the strength to resist the temptation to fuel the fire. As I went about my day, my mind keeps on going back to being the evil thoughts factory. All throughout the day, I had to keep renewing my mind in the Lord. Putting my faith in Him, knowing that all things comes from Him and that He wouldn't send me a burden that is greater than what I can carry.

Remember that silence can sometimes be the best answer. -Dalai Lama

God is faithful and He is forever enthroned. The King knows me and I am gradually getting re-aquainted with Him but this I know is true... God is my Vindicator, my Protector, my Salvation, He is my portion and my inheritance. I live not by my feelings but by His commandments and by His mercy, grace and love.

Delusion arises from anger. The mind is bewildered by delusion. Reasoning is destroyed when the mind is bewildered. One falls down when reasoning is destroyed. -Bhagavad Gita

waiting is painful, not knowing is painful

2010-11-07T21:54:00.002-05:00

we are still house hunting. nothing surprising there. with no cash-on-hand, we are at the mercy of owner financing or erm... my parents. swallowing one's pride and saying i need help is not exactly my forte. i know that i have asked money from my parents before but not an astronomical amount of money to buy a house. i'm a little embarassed and uncomfortable, i squirm and whince everytime that i have to think about it... but what can one do? at this tough times, there are only a few people i can turn to; actuallly, they are the only people that i can turn to.

anyway, i'll keep everyone posted. if i'm lucky, i'll win the lottery and all of you can come see me and i'll lend you money to buy your dream house.

still hoping

2010-11-04T13:11:00.002-04:00

I called the guy who interviewed me for a rent free apartment in exchange for work. I'm not going to keep my hopes up but I am soooo praying that I get this job. Getting really antsy to get back to work. Got all these energy and wanting to help with the expenses at home that it is getting really frustrating not having work.

So.. LORD, please... please.. please... give me this job????

:-(

2010-10-13T16:11:00.002-04:00

things happen. whether we want it or not, things happen.

i haven't felt wrote anything about my mother-in-law's death because of all the distractions and the noises. i haven't felt that one life slip away because i went on auto-pilot. the death just kind of went on the back seat together with the pain and the disappointment and the regrets.

last night DWTS was on and it hit me. Mom is gone. she's gone forever. there will be no more watching tv with her, i wouldn't hear her little commentaries about everybody and everything, there will be no cooking with her, or cleaning with her, or even going to Walmart with her. she's gone. one more life taken away, one more change that i wasn't ready to deal with yet. the one and only true family that i have gained since i arrived here in US and she is gone. i know that she wasn't really that young anymore but it felt almost like a sick joke. four months ago, my beautiful son was born, two weeks later we moved back to TN... three months later she passed away. it was too fast, too soon, and i felt like i wasn't given enough time to repay her for her kindness. i wasn't really ready to let go yet but there she was slipping away from us. and then she quietly left us.

to Mom who welcomed me into her family, who took care of me when i was pregnant with Hunter, who let me tagged along with her and Evelyn, thank you. you left us too soon but i will always be grateful for everything that you have done for me, Richard and Hunter. Thanks... we will see you again.

Cooking with Ivy

2010-10-08T15:34:00.003-04:00

Been practicing my cooking skills lately. Since I have my own little kitchen now and our own place, I'm practicing cooking more and more. So far, I was able to make longganisa (Filipino sausage), chicken barbeque cooked in stove, chicken nuggets, chicken wings, and today I'm making Beef and broccoli for dinner.

I should've taken pictures before we chowed them all down but we were too hungry to care. Tomorrow, I am going to try my hand at chicken terriyaki via this youtube cooking video. I hope they come out good...

I love my little house and kitchen... and Hunter has been very cooperative - he naps while I cook. Love my life!!!

Hunter the Model

2010-09-28T15:22:00.001-04:00

Bored to tears with no TV, Hunter and I have been entertaining ourselves by getting him all dressed up and taking pictures. Here are some of our best pictures:

My FINAL say about everybody involved

2010-09-19T16:15:00.003-04:00

To whom it may concern:

Thank you to those who remained true to us. To those who did not believe Debby's smear campaign. To those who kept an open mind and to those who wanted to stay out of it. Thank you.

To those who believed their lies, would rather believe their lies and to those who listened to their story but refused to have an open mind and listen to ours... goodbye!

To Debby, if you wanted the house... you should've just said so and not created so much drama! We don't want the house, never wanted the house, and will never want the house. Clear enough? Obviously, when you got here you had an ulterior motive besides taking care of Mom. Oh, we are not saying you did not take care of her well. In fact, thank you for taking care of her in her last few days. She deserved it after all the mean things you said about her and dad. You actually owe it to her.

To Bobby, since you'd rather listen to everybody else and not give us a chance to prove to you that we didn't start anything, you left me no choice but to put this up and make it public. So here it is, whether you believe it or not... that's up to you. Good luck! I hope the cats and dogs treat you better than the way you treated your own brother. Oh wait, they are already taking over your life! LMFAO!

To Rodney, I'm sorry things went down like it did. Hope you and your family are safe. I'm sure both Brittany and Dustin will do good in life as they are two of the most intelligent kids that I have priveledge of knowing.

To Cindy, I hope somebody from the "third world country" shows up and kick your ass! I bet you don't even know where I came from and can't find it in the world map! Good luck to you two-faced bitch! You are one of the reason why America is being hated by other countries or ethnicity. You think you are so fucking great just because you are white but are so ignorant that you don't know that half of the Asian population is probably more intelligent and possesses more education that you will ever have.

To Kara, too bad... you are one of the first in the family to go to college but you are still exactly like your ignorant mother. Your mind is too narrow and your world economic view needs a bit updating, oh not to mention your vocabulary.

Have fun you all!!! We're starting over without your dramas!

what a BITCH!

2010-09-17T23:03:00.001-04:00

WOW! WHAT A FUCKING BITCH!

Kara sent Richard a message about her hard disk that she wants it back for her pictures, this after her mother, her uncle and herself created so much fucking trouble for us and kicked us out of the house with the threat of 'calling the police'.

WHAT A FUCKING BITCH!!! WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLY FUCKING BITCH!!!!

Can somebody say insensitive? How about the meaning of "DEAD TO ME"??? Wow! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!

FYI KARA, write off your pictures... if we did find it, we're going to burn it and celebrate your fucking bitchiness!

exodus

2010-09-16T23:02:00.000-04:00

We left the house!!!

WTF! Do they think we want to keep staying in a house that smells like dogs and cat? And live with "PIGS"? Ew! Whatever!

I don't know how Richard could stand being all nice and civil to them. Oh and Bobby said something about me not letting this go because I'm still writing about 'war' in Tagalog! WTF!! Of course this is not yet over! I'm just waiting for the right time (after Mom's cremation) then all these post will float like a stinky poop that won't get flushed!

more lies, more pettiness.

2010-09-15T23:00:00.000-04:00

Went downstairs late in the afternoon to grab lunch. Debby walked by and whispered "go away you little pig" ... She was lucky all she got was "go away Asshole!" because Mom was on the otherside of the living room. Had Mom not been in there she would definitely need intensive plastic surgery to be recognized again. The lenght on my patience has really been tried these past few days. I'm telling you, if Mom wasn't such an amazing, kind and wonderful person her daughter would be in ICU by now. Seriously! I was ready to black out and skin her fuzzy hairs out of her! Geeeezzz! Called Richard and told him what his crazy sister is upto, he told me not to do anything anymore and for Mom's sake to just let it go for now. I'm soooo glad he's on the phone or he'd be in ICU too! Then he called again and told me to call Bobby and tell him what Debby is upto. I said I didn't want to because he wouldn't believe a word I'd say. He's much too wrapped up in Debby's lies so why bother.

Anyway, what was more aggravating was that Debby turned around and told Bobby that I was the one who was giving her snide little comments everytime I pass her. Oh wow! Like I'd spend time and energy and breath on her! Didn't she know what 'dead to me' means? Holy molly!!! That got me all riled up and I was ready to come downstairs and correct Bobby of his little accusations. I was ready for the kill!!! As usual, Richard didn't want to create trouble for Mom's sake so he made me promise not to do anything until Mom passes away. I'm telling you making that promise was the hardest thing that I have had to do since I got here! I swear I was soooo fucking ready to come right out and give them a piece of my wrath! Fuckers! Liars! I sincerely hope to God for Hunter's sake she stays out of my way and not try to make anymore trouble because I'm ready to kick her little dumb blond white ass from here to the emergency room! Argh!!!

trouble trouble stop pestering me!

2010-09-14T23:59:00.000-04:00

I'm avoiding trouble. I really really am so not looking forward to going to jail for assult or murder so I stayed upstairs until Richard got home.

I did a couple of laundry and ran upstairs as soon as they are in the washer. I hate this! I feel like I'm being punished for something that I didn't do!! Gr! Seriously! I'm not petty or mean... i'm EVIL! i wouldn't do anything so little as go by someone and give snide little comments. What I'd do, I mean you know if I didn't promise anything or if I didn't love or respect Mom at all, is I'd get their cat and shave it! LOL! Or let the dogs out and get them lost or run over. Because seriously, the pets are their children... And what would hurt them most is by losing their dirty pets! But I haven't done it because I promised! Argh! Driving me insane.

Cindy Believes the Lies!

2010-09-12T23:34:00.002-04:00

*deleted a few minutes after she posted this*

Ivy Sherisse Sheeler
September 12 at 9:50pm

you don't even know me and yet you are judging me already based on what your half sister said and posting it all over FB like we've met? oh wow! you know when you wrote to me months ago, I was polite to you. I didn't make any judgment about you based on what Richard told me about you. If you are mad because I didn't add you as a friend, then you are ignorant and don't know what the meaning of marriage is. You don't know the meaning of respect or loyalty. I didn't add you out of respect for Richard's feelings about you. But now come to think about it, you are exactly the picture that he painted. He didn't lie to me at all. There were moments long before you wrote to me when I tried to tell Richard to forget what happened between the two of you and bury the past behind. I'm glad he was wise enough not to take my advice.

God will punish us? HA! Didn't you learn in Church not to use the Lord's name in vain? WOW! You are truly something else... I'd like to say that you are just like your half-sister Debby... but I wouldn't go that far coz I haven't caught you in a lie yet.

Cindy Chambers
September 12 at 11:27pm Report

First of all, Debby is my Full Sister in my heart.. Bob is my FULL Brother as is Rodney. Richard is NOTHING to me anymore. NOTHING happened between us Ivy.. he got mad because I had the first Grandson, and that is the ONLY reason he cut ties with me. Isn't that a little Mental??
YOU have not been in this family long and you are the BIG trouble maker here. How Dare you treat my family the way you are doing, when they have done so much for you?
AND little girl.. I have been married to the same man for 30 years, so don't talk to me about knowing what marriage is.. but you have made your bed with Richard and now you will have to lie in it till you finally can't stand it anymore, however, I think you both deserve each other.
These are pretty powerful words you wrote to me.. coming from someone from a 3rd World Country... speaking of that.. why don't you just go back there, and take Richard with you??
That way my little Mama will have some peace and Debby and Bob can take care of her with no more hassles from the two of you.

Ivy Sherisse Sheeler
September 13 at 12:30am

You are and always will be an illegitimate part of this family. A shame that will forever stain their name. That's how we see it in our "third world country". Yeah, I'm from a third world country but I have more class and more education than you will ever have. I was going to write in addition that if you wanted to hear my side of the story that I will be willing to talk to you but you know what you are just as ignorant and as uncouth as your HALF-SISTER and HALF-BROTHER!

I don't give a damn why he was mad at you... geezzz! Like I said I never judged you until you started judging me. How dare I treat your family? How dare your HALF-family treat me like this! I have done nothing but gone out of my way to be nice to them and all I got were lies upon lies! Did you know that your HALF-SISTER sat with me in the couch and told me that BOBBY said RICHARD did something to the TV but upon further investigation that the only computer that was used to change the plan was Mom's computer and the only people who uses them are DEBBY AND SCOTT? When confronted with TRUTH your HALF-BROTHER denied it and your HALF-SISTER denied it! Yeah, that's how much of a liar they are! YES, and they call me bitch for calling out their lies. That's the people that you claim your family! LIARS. I am not a trouble maker but like I told Kara, LIARS HATE THE LIGHT! So if you shine the light of truth the get mad and get aggitated.

You have been married for 30 years ... so what? What does years have to do with it? As your age clearly shows you have not learned anything in this world! You go to church and preach how God this God that... and yet you sit there and judge somebody you have never ever met just because you know a little bit. You have no wisdom so why should that 30 years of marriage of yours count? Everybody is like Richard is this Richard is that... who cares what Richard was with Dena! If it was soooo bad why are they still good friends? Ever thought about that? Next you're going to tell me Dena this and Dena that... I don't give a shit! You people really should concentrate on your marriage and your life instead of mine. My marriage is just fine and dandy. Now, if you want to put money where your mouth is... bet me that my marriage will last until one of us dies! Bet me your house, your car, or anything that is precious to you! Bet me your grandkid's life if you are that confident that it will not last. If you can't then shut up and move on! I'm not a little girl... see you don't really know me at all.

Well, I deserve Richard because I want no lies in my life. You, however, you deserve your HALF-SISTER and HALF-BROTHER; and the knowledge that you are just a stray sperm and your dad didn't even want your biological mother! ha! Truth hurts doesn't it? You are so desperate to be recognized by this family.. why? does nobody want you in your biological mother's side? Do you have abandonment issues and feel the need to just randomly defend your HALF-BROTHER and HALF-SISTER so they will accept you and love you? Truth hurts doesn't it? I have studied long and hard and know your type. You better get yourself some mental health help! You want to be a part of something that you will always be an outsider of! I bet you wish you were one of the Sheeler kids but they never will acknowledge you unless you side with them all the time? More truth that hurts? You want more? I can tell you more but I am wasting my energy on you. You are ignorant and you are so desperate to be loved and accepted that you don't know when people are manipulating you already!

I am here to stay so quit telling me go here go there.... FUCK YOU! Why don't you go find yourself a life and quit trying to ingratiate yourself here but jumping at this little bandwagon! They won't ever love or accept you as their real sister you stupid little pitiful girl! You will always be an outsider to this family! You don't think it is painful for them to know that their dad goofed off??? If you've never thought about it.. you should! Mom recalls shame when she talks about how she found out about you! And how embarassed she was telling her dad about you! But she accepted you because she didn't have a choice.

I was going to be nice to you out of respect for Mom and out of sense that you are being misled by some people's BS story. But you know what you do not deserve any kindness. And I love Mom but I don't have to put up with anybody's BS and I don't think she expects me to. She knows me from all our talks and I have always been open and honest to her about what I can and cannot tolerate and who I really am. I never lied to her because lying is a sign of great disrespect from where I came from. We apparently have more morals than you do here. I came into OUR family with hopes of gaining more love. You and your HALF-SIBLINGS have been nothing but malicious and a pain in the ass. AND they are even afraid to come out and confront me to my face?! WTF?! Liars are afraid of their own shadows too!

Oh, PS: Next time you want to post something... be brave enough to leave it there for all the world to see unless you are a coward! And coward ranks just a little bit higher than liars in my book! I'm sending this thread of msg to Richard too just so you know and not accuse me of making trouble!

Cindy Chambers
September 13 at 12:56am Report

You never knew our Dad, so don't talk about him as if you did. Oh, and he wouldn't have liked you , by the way..he had a real keen sense of who was decent and who wasn't.
Don't you find it kind of odd that the only one who doesn't accept me in this family, is Richard? Jealousy, that's all it is.
I've had a wonderful relationship with Bob, Deb, and Rodney for 33 years.. they don't have to keep calling me on the phone and telling me they love me.. Dad is gone.. why would they keep up the Pretense?? Yet they still call... hmmmm.
I am not craving love missy.. I'm already loved by the people who count the most. I am very blessed.
You have a lot of anger issues, I see.. and you are very hateful.. I hope you calm down.. those negative feelings are not good for you.

Cindy Chambers
September 13 at 12:58am Report

oh.. one more thing.. Little Mama and I are very close also.. She's my Mom too, and I call her that.. she calls me daughter...
I am not the outsider in this family. Wonder who is?? Take a guess. YOU.

Ivy Sherisse Sheeler
September 13 at 1:21am

Whatever Cindy... whatever! go cry somewhere else! telling people I sent you nasty emails... I didn't send you one until you started being nasty with me. People have eyes.. and people can read. Don't worry... this exchange of ours will be made public. Since you want to maintain a prestine image.. I will shatter that. Read again, you were the one who started the nasty stuffs. I have anger issues? Let's see "coming from someone from a 3rd World Country... speaking of that.. why don't you just go back there, and take Richard with you??" not very kind words are they? And so much anger and racism... my readers are going to be so delighted with this.

Sorry, thanks for proving to me again that you are just a bitter old hag with nothing but abandonment issues. Good luck with that! And you can keep your HALF-SIBLINGS, they are nothing but liars.

I won't say anything in behalf of Mom, she's a wonderful lady... she deserves respect. As for Dad, I didn't know him and he is dead. The dead cannot choose who to like and not to like. You are stupid to assume otherwise. Low lifes drags dead people into conversations and gives them life to prove their point. Leave the dead in their graves and fight your own battle.

Don't worry, once I publish all these.. you will be given a copy. It will be a compilation of yours and your HALF-SISTER's lies. Time will tell who really is the trouble maker in this family.

Goodbye. You will definitely have an interesting life after this. LMFAO!

Debby's plea to delete her?

2010-09-12T23:09:00.004-04:00

Debby Matthews

Ok, Sometimes as much as you try to ignore the negative BS, Something has just got to be said. If any of my friends also have a certain "brother" of mine as a friend and have been acknowledging his posts, It is a pathetic plea for attention and an embarassment to our entire family who are doing nothing but looking out for our Mothers best interest!
12 hours ago • Comment •LikeUnlike • View Feedback (9)Hide Feedback (9)

Debby Matthews

He has become a detriment to her health and is only thinking of himself & his troublemaking wife. If you know us, then you know where the problem lies and should not fall into his little "Poor me" attitude. If you choose to believe the lies & drama, please just delete me as I have no interest in that BS right now and can only think of my Mother! If you support my Mom & Family, Please delete him or just tell him to shut up & stop his drama! Thanx to my true friends for your support!!!!
12 hours ago • LikeUnlike • 1 personLoading...

Amy L Cappitti

Sry to hear that! I have no clue what's going on not my business. But at times like this I wish people would come together not fall apart. It happens to almost every family. :(. Hang in there!
11 hours ago • LikeUnlike

Debby Matthews

Amy, We are all together in this and are here for our Mother first and foremost!!!! One bad apple doesn't always spoil the whole bunch!!!! Thank You for your well wishes!
10 hours ago • LikeUnlike

Lisa Henshaw McFerren

Oh, you have a brother like that too! sry for you! sure hope your mom is doing better. think of you often!
7 hours ago • LikeUnlike

Cindy Chambers

I'm behind Debby 100% in all that she said. She speaks the absolute truth, and I could go on and on about the PURE BOLDNESS of our Brother and his Wife , but I will spare everyone for now. They are ungrateful and disrespectful.. care only of themselves and no one else.. not even the one that is important here..and they should be ashamed.. God will deal with them in his own subtle polite way.. but it still won't be pretty.
4 hours ago • LikeUnlike

Dan Cappitti

this will be my only post about this situation but richard and ivy are good people and ALL of u starting trouble should be ashamed of yourselves ,this is not a good time for that ,you guy's need to just get along and enjoy the time you have with your mom....she need's you ALL right now !!
about an hour ago • LikeUnlike

Cindy Chambers

Dan, I don't know you, but I'm telling you that you don't know the whole story.. the real CAREGIVERS here are Debby and Bob..Rodney will go back up there when he is needed, and I am unable to get there right now. The other two in question are not doing anything at all for her... they are TAKING. THAT'S the truth, with all due respect to you.
about an hour ago • LikeUnlike

Dan Cappitti

i'm not sure what is going on but want no part of fighting with anyone i'm tired of fighting with family,i'm their cousin by the way,but richard and ivy came up to visit my dad in the hospital twice and then today when we were there earlier,i just can't believe they are starting trouble like that at a time like this i'm sorry but you are right i'm not taking sides at all i just want them all to get along and put this aside for now.
about an hour ago • LikeUnlike

Cindy Chambers

Dan, I know you don't want anyone to fight, and believe me , we all want the same thing.. except, for the two of them. They are putting on a sweet face to everyone, but all the while talking smack to everyone about things that aren't true. ...See More

For the record, the only person who did upset Mom was Bobby! Telling her about the truck being parked in front of the yard. WOW! And all the while saying, "Mom's going to get upset if she sees the truck there" eh Bobby, how will Mom see the truck there when she was too sick to come home and once she did come home the truck wouldn't have been there anyways because we were planning on getting it up and running in a few days before you and your crazy sister started running your mouth off! So.. who's the detriment to Mom's health... ugh... think!

As for little miss stray sperm Cindy, whatever! Who cares if you are 100% behind Debby? Guess you just have to jump in and be a superstar again in this family like you did what years ago when you wormed your way in! Typical action of somebody who wants attention.

a little excursion out to get some fresh air

2010-09-12T23:00:00.000-04:00

We went to East Liverpool today to buy a cradle swing for $30. No pictures yet, the swing is still being cleaned because it was full of cat hairs when we got it.

We got lost in Youngstown and decided to just head straight to see Sally and Charlie in Struthers. Dan, Jamie, Kolt and Tony were there too so it was nice to see everyone again. Charlie is doing better. He is going through therapy and it will be a long way to go but he is happy he got to keep his legs.

We also dropped by to see Mike and Betsy. Chatted a bit outside. It is good to meet other family members (you know the ones that don't cause you any trouble).

Headed home and visited Mom for a few minutes. We told her about Sally and Charlie... Mike and Betsy. She was glad to hear some news from family. Then we said goodbye, I told her me and Hunter will come visit her tomorrow if she is feeling up to it. She asked me where we are going. I said just upstairs or on the other side of the living room but that we didn't want to disturb her. She said we are not disturbing her and she'd like us to come see her. Well, I'm just glad that those words came from Mom's own mouth. I didn't believe a word Debby said about Mom not wanting us here and not liking Hunter. Oh yeah, I'm also glad Debby was there when she said it. So, we will go down and see her as often as we are awake and she is awake. I wonder if one of these days if we leave what would Mom say and how would she feel. Coz frankly, I don't think it is right for us to leave and just not say anything to Mom. We don't want her to pass away thinking that we abandoned her on her last moments. More things to consider about.

Kara and her hate campaign

2010-09-12T17:24:00.002-04:00

Kara sent me a barrage of Text Messeges today. Something about "Begets" is not an English word. That I was no good because we accept WIC from the government. That Richard screamed at Dena and the kids and that I wouldn't be happy. BLAH THE FUCKING BLAH! And then she said she is great and I won't hear from her again and that she is a lot better than me. YEAH, right... she don't even know her own language. BEGETS is an english word!! S-T-U-P-I-D! It is even in the Bible under Genesis where you will find the list of Abraham's decendants... little preacher!

So I wrote back a message. Telling her that the Chinese people owns her white ass! And that her great country is in deep debt to the Chinese people so whatever I receive from her government is not even a fraction of her country's debt to the Chinese people. Also said to read the newspaper, stupid. I told her that Jason't money comes from an economy that is propped up by the Chinese money. But I told her let's not get into that because it is too complicated for her little mind. I told her she and her mother milked her grandparents too when they bought her computers and stuffs. And yet they never even offered to pay back even out of politeness. Unlike Richard and I, who despite the fact that we struggle we try to pay our debt back. I told her that she and her mother are nothing but users and abusers and that she is exactly like her mother, a little Debby. I told her to quit spamming my phone.

She wrote back said that I knew nothing. That she "WORK for a paycheck" and that she is done talking to idiots. (I suppose I should've told her Debby would miss her).

So I sent another text asking her why she's still sending me message (when she said I won't hear from her again). And she replied "Because I CAN" and so I wrote one right back "So why are you still texting? Yeah, I'm the idiot... You don't even know China owns your white ass! And you are sooo proud to be American! Haha! So... Can't quit can you? Go to church... but I don't think it will help anyways. Get along... get along.. isn't that what you liars favorite lines? Don't spam my phone anymore. Last warning."

She STILL sent me a text (a little slow aren't we) "Don't threaten me I am deleting ur number and I suggest u delete mine." HELL NO! I got better plans for her 'number' since she won't quit. If they keep on pushing and pushing... they will know evilness!

a semi 9/11 explossion of temper in the house

2010-09-11T23:02:00.002-04:00

Richard decided to post a self-deprecating post in FB. Wasn't really the best idea, I tell you, but given the circumstances... one is bound to just snap even though it is just in the social networking world. Of course, Scott and Debby read it and wasn't too happy about it. At first, they were like making snide comments and snickering that 'nobody is talking about you'. Yeah, they don't talk about us that's why a person whom we haven't talked to in weeks knows what happened to our truck. They weren't talking about us. Yeah, yeah... liars!

Late that night, Richard went out to turn off the light in the garage. On his way back, Scott said "that was really immature of you posting that stuff in FB now we are getting texts and calls from everybody..." Too bad! They shouldn't push people too far. They had a big yelling match outside with Scott and Debby making sure Richard can't even butt in to defend himself. Debby said that I was a bitch for causing trouble and that I am a liar that she never talked to me about the Direct TV and other things. WOW! Did I dream the entire conversation?? I don't think so because Evelyn even caught us chit chatting so I'm sure it happened for real. She also said that didn't I think that Kara would tell her what we've talked about. Well, well, little miss 'get along and go to church' Kara apparently didn't know the word civil. Like I told her, she can tell her mother whatever I said to her. But my guess is she picked the 'juicier' parts to relay to her mother and ommitted most things out. I already guessed so much when they wouldn't leave Mom's side for a minute. Hahaa.. what afraid of their own scary shadows? Well, you know if I really wanted to cause trouble I wouldn't even care if they were in the room or not, I'd just tell mom outright that they've been causing trouble and lying left and right and making me an escape goat. But to what purpose, Mom would bite her tongue, suffer in silence, and she'd probably rather see Richard go because she is desperate for Debby's help. So I'm keeping my mouth shut.. for now. At least in front of mom. But if she ask... I won't lie.

Anyhoo, I told Richard next time to call me out if they want to talk bad about me because I'm dying to get this anger all out my system. And just so they know I can yell and scream too! Fuckers! She told Richard too that Mom does not want Richard, Hunter and Me here because of the smell of the diapers! WOW! But boy does Mom love the smell of cat and dog poop, NOT!!! What a bunch of liars!!!!

richard and the trouble makers

2010-09-10T23:36:00.000-04:00

Richard posted something about trouble makers in FB. Nothing specific but it contained a swear word. People were just having fun with the thread and Michelle said something like we should've stayed in TN. I replied back saying that we already regret coming here every fucking day. Kara, Debby's daughter, went all preachy on me and said since we have potty mouth we ought to "go to church". I replied back and told her

"LoL. We are in a preachy mood aren't we? I wouldn't be too quick to judge esp if you don't know half of the truth. And whatever things your little ears are hearing are definitely not even close to the truth. Remember evil begets evil... Som...e people hide behind this 'oh i'm so angelic' facade; we don't. We won't say oh we are so happy we are here, rather we are glad we get to see mom but we are definitely and most emphatically NOT happy to be here and we are doing our best to get as far away as hell from here. Btw, Potty mouth ranks way down there compared to what lies and things these people are doing.

As for regreting coming up here, it ain't because we don't want to see ur grandma. But still we regret coming up here to stay.

I'll quit saying anything more but if you are still in a preachy mood I say come live our lives for a day or two here before you say anything else.

Goodbye!."

She went ahead and sent me a F*ck You letter. Mean as hell and throwing whatever kindness she did for me in my face. Wow! Unbelievable!

Between You and Kara Sheeler Calvert

Kara Sheeler Calvert
September 10 at 3:54pm

"Not sure who you think that you are, but pretty sure you havent been a part of this family all your life and you DO NOT get the priveledge of acting like it. I have tried to be nothing but nice to you and helpful to you...even gone out of my way on several occasions, and i guess this is the way you talk to people who have tried to extend kindness. I feel bad for you moving all the way here from your home. Your life here probably will suck, so i would just get used to it (no matter where you reside). I will be real if thats what you want. UMMM lets see...i lived at the house you are living in with the same people for ohhhhh lets see...25 years! so your week, was bad...so sorry for you. if sympathy is what you want. I was not judging you just responding to your comment, you dont know what i hear...if anything for that matter and i dont base anything on what anyone tells me because its none of my buisness and has nothing to do with me. SOOOOO this lil angel is goin to PREACH ON BABY, if that is what i want to do. GOODBYE! to you as well, i see you are doing a fabulous job of making friends here in the US :) but i know you dont care about making friends. its obvious. my uncle will always be my uncle and hunter will always be my cousin...but you are nothing to me if thats the way you want to speak to me."

Ivy Sherisse Sheeler
September 10 at 5:27pm

oh... wait did you think I was talking bad about you? Not at all.. you are one of the sanest people in this (your) family. Like I always tell your uncle, I'm glad I'm not part of the 'bloodline' so to speak. Like you I was just responding to your comment. Like I said, I wouldn't bore you with the details of your family's activity here but boy they sure don't act like they are related at all!!! And making friends? I wouldn't even want to know them anymore after your grandma is gone. I have friends who will jump from a tower for me... I have families back home who will give an arm and a leg to protect me. I get here and 'family' means shit! This family talk bad about each other all the time. This family even post shitty stuffs in FB long before we did. One post in FB got your grandma soooo upset. I was here, I saw it. I felt it. But does your 'family' care? No! They spread lies and now come back home to act like little angels. Angels with horns and tails they are! I get here and 'friends' throw their kindness in your face? Yes, isn't that grand? No, I'd rather be alone than have 'friends' and 'family'. Ask your uncle he has the same sentiments as I.

Yeah, you lived here 25 years... and I lived here uhmm say 8 months. You don't think your grandma tells me things about everybody? You don't think she tells me who don't get along with who? Even your grandma's closest friends tells me these. Your grandma tells me all the crap shit this family does to each other. So don't act like things are all grand and happy. I know better and you know better. Your grandma was very talkative and like you I reseved my judgement until I have met and lived with everyone or almost everyone and until it became my business. My family now is Richard and Hunter, any attack to Richard constitutes an attack to my person. How would you feel if Jason's own brother told you Jason has mental problems? That he is a retard? That he lies? And this and that? Are you going to stand by and still be all happy and smiles with him? If you are, then your loyalty is kinda screwy don't you think? I'm not saying your uncle Richard is perfect... Lord knows we've been through so many arguments about this and that. I know his faults... but spreading things like he has mental problems from his own family's mouth is screwed up don't you think? How would you feel if people break your stuffs and not even apologize? How would you feel if they go through your things in hope to find I don't know what. How would you feel if they gang up on you and tell grandma things to upset her... things that all UNTRUE or at least just half the truth? (yes, we do not sit with her for hours on end but when we go visit she tells us things and we don't even say anything to correct her with fear of upseting her). How would you feel if you are the one being singled out with lies? And then you catch them in it because they are stupid enough not to get their story straight. Yes, this is your family.... I thank God I can always walk away from all these people. I have never seen a bunch of petty and mean spirited people. You are right we ought to be happy we are here to see ur grandma. And we are... don't get us wrong. Don't get me wrong. WHen Richard told me he wants to come back despite the fact that your mother is coming back and that they don't get along... I stood by him even though it is a terrible idea. We hoped that people would be reasonable enough to try and get along. They all say "just get along" but how do you get along when they cause you trouble left and right?

You are right, you are a lil angel but you live in a white picket fense in your prestine little house. Someday, you will understand what malice is when somebody attacks your family and you will know that tolerance can only go so much. My family means a lot to me... and like I said that is limited to your grandma, Richard and Hunter and to some extent I treat Kayla and Alan as family too. But that is as far as my family goes specially at these times. Sure you are mad, sure you are angry.. after all you know that part of who we are talking about is your mother.. she is your family after all. I understand that and I respect that. Be mad, be angry but if you want the truth listen to both sides and you will see how many holes their story has and what chronic liars they are. If you are as intelligent as I know you to be you will understand the frustration and stress that we go through here. Your uncle Richard is not in good health... he works 13 hours a day with a bunch of kids giving him trouble because he makes $1 more than them. He comes home to this BS even though we have done our outmost best to 'get along'. You are a nurse you do the math!!! You think he'll survive this day in and day out just holding it in? Like I said, you are in the medical field you know that a body can only take so much. Like I told him, he dies on me.. I'm going to kill him all over again. :-) And like I said, he is my primary family here so it concerns me.

As for being happy, I will be fully happy someday wherever we go. I am not fully happy now but I have Richard and I have Hunter and for a while I still have your grandma and they bring me happiness. But that happiness is so tainted by so much malice cause by your family.

I said goodbye to that thread of comments because I don't want to say all these in there. Should you wish me to continue there I will. Do you want me to air your family's dirty laundry all over the messaging board? Do you want me to post what your grandma said to us verbatim about your mother? About your semi-aunt Cathy? About you? About your grandpa? about every single person in her family? Your uncle Bobby and your mother is stupid enough not to realize that if your grandma complains about your uncle Richard to them over the phone... that she complains about them to us. That's her way of making conversations. If they have half the brain that you have they would've figured that out by now and act accordingly.

Your grandma is a nice lady and I love her more than you will ever know or understand. We came back for her and we are enduring as much as we can with all the crap shit your family is doing to us. If you see an occasional or more often nasty post in FB that's our way of venting. We haven't even singled out any person yet. If they push the issue, I will push back. We caught them in a lie yesterday. Yes, we are angry. Yes, we are mad as hell. We haven't had a chance to talk to your grandma and see if they are spreading these lies to her too.

For whatever it is worth, I'm not mad at you. I was just commenting to your little 'preachy' comment. If that came across as as insult. Then so be it. If you think I am evil and you want to cut me off.. then so be it. You can delete me and block me in FB and not talk to me for the rest of our lives then so be it. Not my loss. If you chose to be blind then you live in darkness all your life. You come to their defense (even though you do not come outright about it)... you defend liars. I hate liars. Richard is ready to cut his brother and sister off. He is here for your grandma. He would've left long before this had we not been thinking about your grandma's welfare if she finds out the truth. And by god, believe it that your Uncle Richard if he decides to leave he will come clean to your grandma about what your mother and your uncle bobby are doing to him. She will die knowing that her kids hate each other. She will die knowing that she was the last straw that broke the camel's back. AND THAT is no way to end her life. Imagine if that happened to AVA and KALE?! How would you feel? This is what we have been avoiding. What I have been avoiding. And it is a tough place to be. I try to manage your uncle's anger and remind him we are here for your grandma... whilst your mother and your uncle bobby sows discord! Yes, I'm having a bad week... I'm allowed it under the circumstances. Yes, your uncle Richard is having a bad week.. he is allowed it too under the circumstances.

I don't give a damn whether I am something or nothing to you. Now you know some of the truth (some coz I haven't gone into the real details yet)... do you still dare to say go to church blah blah blah? IF you live in hellish lies and they attack Jason, Ava or Kale I wonder if you would still feel like a lil angel. If somebody calls Ava a retard... would you still be all 'go to church' or would you be spewing with hate too? I wonder. Don't lie to yourself. You are a mother, you will protect your family to the end. I will protect mine.

Like I said, I will protect my family to death. I haven't completely gone off yet if they keep pushing they will all know the truth. You will all know what each and every one of you think of each other. Family. Sheeesshh, I've seen enemies treat each other better than your so called family.

I'm sorry if I have offended you. You are right, this is your family and I have not been here long enough. BUT I will say it as it is because I do not want to live my life blindly. I have quit being family a few days ago. I'm done with this familial ties. I am down to just being civil and polite. That will go out of the window soon enough too and I hope we find a place and get out of here before one of us explodes. Your uncle Bobby and mother have told us to leave numerous of times.. this is not their house. They have no right. But we are leaving as soon as we are able not because they told us so but because living with liars and trouble makers isn't exactly heaven now is it?

Like I said, you want to defend them.. then you live blindly in darkness. That's your priviledge for being their 'family'. But know that you defend liars and war mongers!

Have a great weekend. I hope the kids are doing great.

To be continued.

Ivy and Kara's let's clear the air out day!

2010-09-10T22:52:00.001-04:00

... continued

Kara Sheeler Calvert
September 10 at 7:04pm

There is not one of us who is perfect, as you are smart enough to get. Sooo there are things said among all families that arent always nice...thats what makes families families (that we make up and move on)...we need to get over it and move forward. Bottom line is that grandma is like a mom to me for 29 yrs now...as grandpa was like a father to me. I love them both dearly and with all my heart. IF anyone dares to hurt my grandma, especially any one of her children i will never ever have another word to say to them. As to this point in my life there is not one single person who i feel this strongly for. Uncle richard should be a good enough of a person to do NOTHING that will hurt grandma. she is very sensitive as it is and she is dying....let a wonderful woman die in PEACE...so if that means you guys go...then go. if that means you suck it up and all hate eachother than so be it. But NO ONE has the right to hurt her NO ONE. SO Take it somewhere else but there needs to be peace in that house. Grandma loves my mother, and she was very happy she was coming to help her. She needs my mom right now, and my mom will take wonderful care of her. that is something she is very good at. Soooo recognize that and do your best to get along for the sake of grandma. Uncle richard has never done anything to me and i know he has helped grandma and grandpa out alot with things around the house and i do appreciate that very much. But he better not say a word to grandma that will hurt her in any way. He was not here when grandpa died and i do believe that grandpa knew that and was hurt by it. So i hope he can handle this with grandma with respect and dignity (no matter how you feel others are behaving). I love all my family even though you do not. And i just want everyone to get along for grandmas sake.... After grandma is gone, then battle it out. I truly do think you made a mistake coming here...just woman to woman....I feel for you. I hope for your sake that things do get better for you. I hope you can go after your career and have things in life. I hope hunter does well and has a stable healthy home to be raised in. I do wish you well and most of all happiness. Throwing kindness in your face is not my intent. anything i do is because it is what i want to do...but i do expect to be treated by everyone with respect and talked to appropriatly. This goes for everyone in my life. Please whatever you do keep it peaceful for granny. My so called family is a family and i do believe everyone has love for eachother in some way...and i would hope everyone could use this experience to come closer together. i am just soo sick that grandma is going through this and that i feel like i am loosing my mom and dad both within 2 years as well...We all are going through this heart ache together..so i say lets all quit being selfish and worrying about who said what to whom and focus on the main goal together. sounds good any how, now if only everyone can be adults here and figure a way out to make it work. .

Ivy Sherisse Sheeler
September 10 at 10:07pm

yeah, i wrote back on my phone didn't get sent.. i don't think.

i'm not going to argue with you or get into this with you. Bottom line your grandma loves all her children. You are preaching to the choir about this whole getting along thing. we have tried and are still trying.

as for your grandma loving having to depend on your mother, i beg to differ. she said something different to us but she's your mother and i will not even attempt to disabuse you of your notion of your mother.

richard will say what richard wants to say if he wants to say it at all. everybody else lies anyways to upset your grandma to manipulate her anyway. but that's what we've been avoiding and what they've been pushing us to do.

i'm sorry that you are losing your grandparents in such a short span of time. it is hard.. i lost all my grandparents already so i do know what it feels like.

finally, like I said.. this is your family. i came in here latest but i know your grandma. i love your grandma coz she's done great and many kindness to me. i will hold back for as long as i can... as much as i can but my family is my family. i will not stand by for long and let them attack my family without defending it. Oh and by the way, families don't lambast each other in the internet then turn around and say how much you love each other. That's not normal... that's screwed up man. Family argues within the family but stand by each other when trouble arises but not in this family. I have made a few friends here that treats your uncle Richard far more like a family than his brother and sister. when this is all over.. i'd say good riddance to bad rubbish... and i say it with all honesty and unapologetically.
So I'm just warning you, you will probably read more vents in FB in the next couple of days.. if you cannot ignore it and chooses to comment then that's your perogative but don't be surprised if you get response from either me or Richard that is sarcastic in tone because we are all stressed out and frankly almost at the end of our patience.

As for material things, we are on a temporary set back right now. And it's alright. I'm not used to money anyways. I grew up poor, had a great career run, married poor and now I expect things to turn around sometime soon. My grandparents started with nothing when they moved from China to Philippines.. they died middle class owning their own business and sending kids to college. I know things will get turned around again. .

Kara Sheeeler Calvert
September 10 at 10:21pm

Why do u feel the need to post your woes on fb for the world to see anyway. I was not just talking bout material things, there is much more time will reveal to u. But that's for u to see later. Good luck.

Sent via Facebook Mobile.

Kara Sheeler Calvert
September 10 at 10:35pm

I have no idea what u are talking about saying stuff on internet and saying I love u in person, no clue. I never said she would love depending on my mom, but she knows she needs her help, and she is a good caretaker. What u don't get is my gram may say things about people, but if u do it she is quick to defend. She will defend my mom. I never defended anyone here just my grandma. U certainly seem to think I am on one side or the other when I am on one sise...grandmas. I am not there to see what happens so I can't comment on any of that. I just never seen drama like this in the family all my years, and it really seems to have taken off lately. I hardly know my grandmas side of the family so they don't count. I really don't know what to say to u I could get really shitty, at all the horrible things that u have said about my family...but what would that prove. I have a feeling u wont have to worry about it for very long. So I will be civil.

Sent via Facebook Mobile

Ivy Sherisse Sheeler
September 10 at 11:42pm

You're not here and you're not privy to things the things that happen here. If You don't know what happened few months back over the internet then you are better off not knowing it anyways. It was embarassing as hell. If you want to know I can give you print outs just so you know i didn't make it up. And no, it is not your grandma's side of the family. It came from your immediate relative. Even Evelyn was horrified to say the least. Anyway, it is moot and academic to talk about them. They are done and it already gave your grandma much heartache few months ago. I didn't say you are of one side or the other. I just said, you will probably read some vent post in FB... Or maybe not. It was just more like an off hand comment. I just don't want you to think that we are posting more and more to annoy the hell out of you. Also If you notice, it wasn't my post that got you started... It is your uncle's.

As for you being nasty. You can. But why? Because I said some truths you'd rather not know or hear? Because I said good riddance to bad rubbish? Which is exactly how I feel right now given the circumstances. That's up to you. I tell it as I see it. Nobody is brain washing me. I even say it as I heard it straight from the horses' mouth. What purpose is there to lie!? We all want ur grandma to have the best days until she passes away in peace.

I know your grandma says things but yet is still quick to defend her family. Like I said, I love your grandma more than you will ever know or understand. I know your grandma just by being with her in the last months. She's a wonderful person but she does tell it as it is too. So don't get me wrong I'm not trying to start shit with you. Plus, You can rely this to your mother, forward this entire conversation whatever... I'm not afraid to repeat any of what I told you in front of her and your uncle Bobby. That's your decision.

And Richard and I are just fine and dandy. Whatever the big secret is that you and your mother is trying to not tell me... I don't really want to know. Past is past. Whatever it is if it comes up then we will deal with it together. Thank you for your concern. You don't know what kind of marriage we have and you don't know what I know and don't know about his past. Suffice to say I accepted him as he is and as I am finding him to be.

Polite and civil is good. I can live with that. Have a great weekend and thank you for whatever kindness you've shown to me and Hunter. I hope someday we can return the favor.

Sent via Facebook Mobile

edit/

Kara Sheeler Calvert
September 11 at 9:14am

I dont have any secret about anybody. I just have reasons to believe you will not be happy here, but again i hope you are. I cant imagine how difficult it must be to leave your entire family and friends for this life! I just hope it gets better for you. I still have no idea what you are refering to that was soooo upsetting to everyone...i dont recal being upset about anything so i must have missed it. But like you said the past is the past.

I didn't bother to respond anymore. Too much back and forth drama. Civil is civil there's no point in going on and on.

the low down from Debby

2010-09-09T23:45:00.000-04:00

Evelyn caught Debby and I chatting downstairs. She wanted to go drive up to Main Moon and get some Chicken Fried Rice for dinner.

The day started around lunch time when Hunter and I went downstairs to watch TV. We caught Scott cleaning the house in preparation for the arrival of Mom tomorrow. Scott and I got to talking about the Direct TV and he told me that Mom was paying for all the channels but they were never programed there. I was shocked to find out about that since I stayed with Mom when I was pregnant and we both were disgusted with what little channel we could watch. Debby walked in on us and we got to chatting when Scott went upstairs to clean the hallways there.

Anyhoo we got to talking about the van and according to Debby... Mom approved of Scott using the van even before they got here. I told her the van was not the problem. I told her it is not our van and Mom can decide how and who she can drive the van. What pissed me off (and Richard) was the high handed tone that Bobby used ordering us to leave the key instead of asking first if Richard can go to work using the truck. What infuriated me was the fact that he had the balls to tell us what to do with our money!!! Really, I'm already having a hard time budgeting Richard's first paycheck because it was only for two days! Debby says "Well, next time Bobby says something like that that just time to F* mind his own business. I wouldn't want anybody telling me what to do with my money either." I also told her about Hunter's crying and not holding him. She said Bobby have no right to tell me what to do with my baby.

We got to talking about the Direct TV because Scott mentioned something that they paid D.TV to flash the card. I was curious how much it cost so that when we move I would know things like these and not have to suffer with very few channels. She said there was no payment for flashing the card but she upgraded the package because they (Scott and Debby) watch certain channels that are not included in the basic plan. She then told me that BOBBY told her that somebody logged in 6 days ago to remove 6 channels out of the package. That it was Richard who changed it and that Richard has a mental problem and that he does things like this. I told her I didn't know anything about it and that Richard and I have nothing to do with it. She said "I belive you Ivy but RICHARD LIES." WOW! I could not believe my ears. She said a couple of times and I was just speechless and flabbergasted with the blatant accusations. I went ahead and investigated (on my own) about this online changing of plan and looked into Richard's PC. No record of any D.TV related stuffs in his History. I checked my laptop, just in case he used that one, no record either. Went upstairs and checked our common PC, no record either. Finally, I went downstairs and checked Mom's PC... Lo and behold!!! A site registered there about upgrading the package. This certain PC is being used by none other than Scott and Debby. I told Richard about the D.TV and the channels. We both agree that someone is making trouble. Well, let's be logical here. Few nights ago, Debby came downstairs and asked Richard if he changed the plan because they lost 6 channels from the TV upstairs. We both looked at each other weird and said no, maybe it was a promotional thing. Debby said "It was there yesterday how can it change in just one day." Richard said "I don't know, we don't touch the TV plan because Mom was admant that she didn't want anything changed." So she left and I thought that was the end of it. Apparently, now... we are making trouble by doing petty stuffs such as removing 6 channels out of the D.TV plan. Now, let's be logical here.... 6 channels were taken out and there are at least 200+ channels on Mom's TV. Scott and Debby watches TV upstairs in Mom's room. How the bloody hell can we know what to delete? Are we suddenly mind readers here? How fantastically intelligent of us to know exactly the 6 channels that they like watching and deleted just those?! There is no logic to this arguement. Really. A person with half-a-brain will figure out that we couldn't have deleted those 6 channels even if we wanted to. If we were these amazingly intelligent people, we'd have figured out the lottery numbers and be millionairs now and not have to be bothered by these people. Really. Amazing. Stupidity.

Richard decided to send Bobby a text message about this latest accusations about the TV. Bobby denied that he said anything and that he changed the plan for Mom so she can watch more channels when she comes home. LIES! He changed it because Scott and Debby wanted more channels... they told us so often that our ears are already blistered from hearing how they will change the plan since day 1. Scott was even opening Mom's mails in his search for the great package from Dish Network.

So why are they causing trouble in the house? I recalled the first day that they were here. Scott and Debby were sitting in the couch and we were chatting about having roomates/housemates and Debby said "That's why me and Scott we don't want any housemates. We want to live alone". Coincidental? Yes or No? Rodney and his family were here for two weeks... no untoward incident happened. Rodney was also looking into adding channels to the TV but Richard and him talked about it and all went fine. Think.

truck gets a new lease on life!

2010-09-08T13:10:00.000-04:00

it is alive! alive, alive, alive forevermore!!! wheeee!

truck still dead meat

2010-09-07T12:52:00.002-04:00

The truck is still dead after replacing fuel guage... now the battery is dead. Richard decided to use the last bit of money to get a battery tonight because he didn't want to keep using the van. Unfortunately, Bobby decided to go ahead and tell us what to do again instead of asking if we are going to use the van tomorrow he went ahead and assumed that we will be using it forever.

"...leave keys to van for Scotts job inteview"

"you got paid you could have got battery put charger on it over night he gets van tomorrow"

Wow! Now he gets a say on what happens to our money too? Let me remind everyone this is Mom's van that we are talking about. Mom knew we were using the van because the truck is broke.

Truly, unbelievable!!!

Also, first day we got here this same brother of Richard deigned to instruct me on how to raise my baby! He told me that at two months old I should leave Hunter crying otherwise he'd want to be by my side forever that "you will regret it". WOW! Isn't leaving a crying baby a form of abandonment especially if that baby cries only when he is hungry, tired or wet? Who the F*CK is he to be telling me how to raise my baby when he himself cannot have any! And the daughter that calls his, is in his words.. suicidal, depressed and is lazy because she won't clean the house. Not exactly the model that I want Hunter to grow up like.

unbelievable

2010-09-03T02:41:00.002-04:00

Richard, Hunter and I went to visit Mom. She asked how we are all getting along in the house. Richard had to fess up that things are slightly not good but that we haven't been causing any trouble. Mom asked Richard if the truck is still in the front yard. Richard and I were shocked that she knew about the truck being parked there. Richard looked at me and I looked back and we both know something is up and someone wants Mom upset with us. Richard said yes and he was working on it. Mom says why not do it in the drive way. Richard says he is too old for the hard floor and needs the grass to lay down on when working on the truck. Mom says okay, I understand. And leaves it at that.

Mom reminds us to get along because she needs Debby. We promised we will.

threats

2010-09-01T21:36:00.001-04:00

Richard called me early in the morning and was very upset. Bobby called and yelled and screamed about the truck being in the yard. Says he will come down and tow it out of the yard if Richard won't get it of there within the day. I guess Debby called him and reported us. Hummm.

wow! two days was all it took for the skirmish to begin

2010-08-30T22:03:00.000-04:00

Our truck broke down, seems to me we are not catching any luck at all. Bad vibes. Bleh! Richard had to ask Scott to help him get to work and tow the truck back home. The first part was good Richard went to work late though. The second part didn't happen. Scott wasn't around when Richard called around 5-5:30pm. When I saw Scott and told him Richard might need his help, all he said was "Debby said she don't know when she can come home." So we spent $50 towing the stupid truck back home. $50 that could've gone to groceries. ARGH! Life! I don't understand why Debby won't let Scott take their car to pull our truck home. I guess there's no such thing as brotherly love here, not even brotherly charity. But it is their car and they can do what they want with it. I really just don't think it was right at all but it must be a cultural thing here. Don't know. I just can't get used to these kind of treatment. Back home when somebody needs help, you help specially if you can help even though you hate your sibling's guts.

Oh well, our truck - our trouble. Guess that's how it goes here.

Anyway, moving on... got the truck towed and we had the guy set it down in the front yard because Richard wanted to work on it ASAP since he didn't want to drive mom's van for too long. We went to get some gas for Mom's van so he can use it the following day while he figures out what's wrong with the car and come up with money to get the parts. Got home and Debby started telling Richard to move the van and she will help him put it back there when he is ready to work on it (yeah right, like she was so willing and able to help us tow the truck?!? Humm...). WRONG MOVE! Richard hates it when people tells him what to do. Yelling match ensued. Whoa! Peace didn't last two days! Debby started saying it looks shitty there, Mom don't want it there, she can't see the cars passing by.. blah blah blah. And she told Richard that he is a hillybilly and to go back to TN coz nobody wants him here. OH WOW!! Talk about being mean. Richard yelled back said that Mom don't want the cats and dogs here but she puts up with them anyways so don't tell him what Mom wants and don't want. (Okay, so it is true that Mom don't want the cat and dogs here... as testament to why Coco became an outside dog - out of respect for Mom's wishes that the house remain pet free). Nobody lost any limbs (yet!) so everything is still semi-okay. A little tension going on in the house... more wait and see moments.

sis-in-law graces us with her presence

2010-08-28T22:23:00.001-04:00

She's here. Looks like everything is good and dandy... Richard even helped them carry their things around from the car to the house and the garage. Debby and Scott bought pizza for supper. Everybody is playing nice. I hope this last.

The dog pooped in the living room carpet already. Poop-free house no more!

dreading the new set of company coming in

2010-08-27T21:58:00.001-04:00

Sister-in-law is coming to town! lolz. I'm dreading the moment already.
I don't know her that much but just based on what I heard from both Mom and Richard (and her post in FB and from what brief moment of time we spent when she came to visit). It's going to be an interesting story. Her and Richard don't get along most of the time so it's a wait and see game.

the talk with mom

2010-08-22T02:46:00.002-04:00

about Debby's arrival in the house.

Mom said she "don't like the cat and dogs in the house but what can she do she needs Debby's help so she is going to have to put up with a lot of crap."

So we let it go and agreed to get along to keep Mom happy and sane. It is her house anyways.. she makes the rules.

Work in Progress!

2010-08-19T21:56:00.000-04:00

Richard started working in Poland Concrete.

first day

2010-06-04T21:03:00.001-04:00

with Dada.. I love you Richard. Thank you for being a great Dada to Hunter. Now that he is out into the world, he will need all the help to learn how to fix and build things.

Hunter @ Day 1.

HUNTER RICHARD SHEELER ARRIVES

2010-06-04T20:51:00.000-04:00

June 4, 2010!

/back posting/

When Parents Had the Last Word

2010-05-09T15:40:00.005-04:00

I found this article in one of the ancient magazines here in the house and it reminded me so much of my childhood. While I didn't grow up here in America, I can still relate to the age old "because I said so" from my parents.

You don't hang around to fish for "thank yous" or compliments for cleaning you room or any part of the house or getting good grades for that matter. You are always in debted to your parents and however much 'work' you do does not count as good deeds but as part of your alleged duties to the family. Likewise, you are always compared to the rest of the world. So you aced the test, Einstein formulated the EMC2 equation! LOL. Darn!

We've never heard of time out either. You either get spanked or you don't. As the black sheep of the family, I was always at the receiving end of countless of these. Am I as well adjusted as a normal person can be? I would like to think so.

As for becoming a parent, I honestly don't know. I will probably make up the rules as things progress. I know that somethings are non-negotiable though like time outs are not enough. I don't give a shit about these disapproving people who thinks spanking kids are bad. I'll spank them when I see fit (yes, as long as it doesn't bruise them or anything like that). I'm not going to have any offspring of mine running around wild because they think they can get away with it. And of course, parents ALWAYS have the last say.

Happy Mother's Day!

CTS

2010-04-30T18:25:00.002-04:00

I'm diagnosing myself with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Life sucks right now. My right arm (upto my fingers) is totally messed up. It has been cramping all day long and my fingers go from tingling to numb sensation. I'm so disgusted with it today. Even typing this blog is painful. :-(

I'm not going to do much cleaning today because of this. I'll wait if things improve tomorrow. BUT if it doesn't, I'm just going to go ahead and keep cleaning. I'm not going to let this stupid CTS get in my way. I want this house cleaned asap.

Richard is back in TN. He is very very very unhappy and overwhelmed by the mess there. He doesn't even know where to put the boxes where he put his shit in. He doesn't have a place to sleep in tonight. I feel sorry for him. It's worse than the work that we've done here so far. I just hope he starts scrapping soon so he can make some money and come back to PA in three weeks. I don't like not having him around, the house feels empty.

I'm going to quit here, grab something to eat and maybe just go back to bed. My arm is really killing me.

Ciao people!

the last of my addiction (NOT!)

2010-03-30T01:09:00.003-04:00

I received my last batch of FPs that I bought today. Yes, they are going to be the last ones, I ain't buying no more. Not unless it is for resale like the Sheaffer Calligraphy Pens. They're nothing fancy or expensive really, just three cheapo fountain pens to practice writing more beautifully (illusyonada!).

Anyway, I'm a lot worried about not finding work and how to pay the bills now. Richard and I lost our precious truck last week. The truck where our little baby boy 'Hunter' was created. Frankly, I'm still in shock and still can't believe that the truck is gone. Richard and I have a lot of good memories there, from cleaning it from top to bottom to breaking down in the middle of the interstate to our trips up and down the mountains. It was great and had I not been so far along in my pregnancy I would've been with Richard when the truck burned. Well, I'm just thankful that he got out and he is on his way to TN again. He's going there to tie up some lose ends on the tax stuffs and clean the place up. We are taking one day at a time now.

The baby is growing bigger and more active lately. He's a night owl... I can tell. He kicks and tumbles around more at night. It is not surprising considering that both his daddy and mommy are night owls.

Haven't been out much, I'm really pooped with my diet thing! I don't get to sleep until 2am and I have to get up at 9am to check my sugar and eat breakfast. After two hours, I have to check my sugar again (usually, I go back to sleep after eating). Again, two hours later it's time to eat lunch. In another two hours I have to check my blood sugar again; and eat snack. Then two to three hours late eat dinner and finally after another two hours the last blood sugar test. All these preparation of eating and staying on track with the blood sugar takes so much effort that I don't want to do anything anymore. The highlight of my day is when I get to see that my blood sugar numbers are down after dinner. That makes me happy because I don't have to worry about eating/pricking again until tomorrow. Sounds crazy... I know. But eating 6 times a day can drive a person to insanity!!! I never could believe I'm saying this... but food is making me go crazy!! lol.

June, where are you?

2010-03-26T23:16:00.004-04:00

I'm getting more and more antsy everyday. I can't stay pregnant for so long, wish June is here already. It's not that I'm unhappy about this baby, I really really am excited to meet the little guy but with the truck burning and the bills piling up I just wish we can fast forward to June so I can really start looking for work.

Staying at home is driving me insane too! I'm not ever going to be good at being 'stay-at-home'! It was a nice concept but really who wants to be stuck at home everyday? I don't even want to think about cleaning Richard's office. Just entering that room makes me feel dizzy and hopeless.

I'm also worried about this GD thing, I don't know why the goddamn diet is not working! Okay, so I'm stressed! I'm really really stressed despite my 'I don't care' appearance I'm really really stressed inside. Maybe stressing is not helping but how do I stop myself from stressing? How? How? How???

So June, where are you?

the reluctant hero

2010-03-25T23:41:00.006-04:00

How do you create a reluctant hero? Where do you start your story? And if you can paint him in a canvass what would his face look like? How do other writers come up with these all too sympathetic characters? How about me? Where can my hero draw his strength despite his insecurities?

It is so easy to fall in love with a reluctant hero. They show certain humanity in the way they conduct themselves, as though their flaws are part of what makes them such great heroes. Even in real life, women fall in love with men who shows certain weaknesses. We tend to love the ones who are conflicted with fear, insecurity or uncertainty but still manages to come charging in a white horse to our rescue. Why? Partly it is because we would like to feel or believe that we (the fair ladies) are worthy of the effort of overcoming their self doubts. Mostly, we just love being 'saved' no matter how strongly our feminist beliefs are. In fact, I believe deep down women are all little princesses waiting for their prince charming.

My disclaimer of course goes like this: I'm not a psychology major nor do I profess to know anything about analyzing people, what I am is just a casual observer in this world.

treasures from flea market

2010-03-24T22:48:00.015-04:00

Second hand stores aren't as popular in Philippines as it is here in US. Here people troupe to the Flea Market to get good bargains on other people's 'trash'. My first month here, Richard and I went to the longest yard sale and the treasures I found there were awesome! Unlike in Philippines where people use and abuse their stuffs until they disintegrate into pieces, here people have a lot of good/mint/slightly used items that they sell for a dollar or two. If you have a good eye, sometimes you might even be able to spot a vintage item amongst the piles and piles of refuse.

Today, I had a chance to visit an antique store with my mother-in-law and her friend Evelyn. I'm just amazed at all the antique items in the store. I've seen an old school desk, jars and bottles, and trinkets but of course I was hunting for pens (fountain pens to be specific). I finally found a place where I can go to when I want to start my pen shop/hobby (I need to get a job and earn money first to be able to sustain this hobby).

Esterbrook Pen and Inkwell ($40)

Vintage Pens

We hopped to the Flea Market right across the Antique Mall afterwards. I was walking down the long hall not really thinking about buying anything when I spotted a calligraphy set. I grabbed it and looked at the price... $3!!! What a steal!!! I didn't bat an eyelash and paid for it.

Sheaffer and Crane Calligraphy Set (3 pens + 3 nibs)

These are Sheaffer NoNonsense pens, I think they discontinued making them and replace it with cheaper model/version. It comes with three translucent pens (black, green, and blue) and three nibs (Fine, Medium, and Broad). It came with some stationary and envelopes but no box. I asked the guy who was selling this if he still have more pens like these and he said no, I turned around and was ready to head out of the store when I happened to glance at one his display case and there was another box that said Sheaffer Calligraphy Set, I couldn't clearly see because he had the display upside down. So I asked him if he would show me the box and what's inside. He took it out and lo and behold another Sheaffer NoNonsense pen set!!! It contained 1 red pen and three nibs (Fine, Medium, and Broad). I asked him how much he wanted he said $1... I said I'll take it too!!! He asked me if I collected pens, I said yes. He said "that's unusual".

Sheaffer Calligraphy Set (1 pen + 3 nibs)

I haven't tried writing with the pens yet, I had to clean all the nibs out since they all had ink gunk in them. The solution contains of warm water and liquid detergent. I think I replaced the water 5x or so before it cleared up. Run water to it to remove any trace of liquid detergent and viola! Pens are ready for test drive!!

I will probably play with these pens for a while then sell them off and make a profit. So far, the 3 pens set sells around $35 for new (not the same type but calligraphy set similar to it) and the 1 pen set sells around $15-20. Good way to turn your $4 into $50!!!

PS: My mother-in-law found $15 on the street today! What a lucky day indeed!!!

time travel

2010-03-23T01:45:00.005-04:00

SURPRISE!! Today. I woke up and I am already 28 weeks pregnant, a new immigrant to a country I only watched in TV before, and unemployed.

So these things didn't really happen all in one day, same as Rome was not built in one day, but still the days came and went so quickly. A month ago, Richard and I celebrated our first year anniversary as husband and wife. I can't even begin to tell you the amazing feeling that I had when we reached our one year mark!! Odd, I know. Long story short, Richard is my first venture out into what people call relationship. I never had to answer to anybody, did what I wanted to do, taken care of my needs first, occasionally I'd be nice to family members but mostly "I did it my way" so to speak. Along came Richard, with his charms and all. lol. He was also set in his ways. Trivial things such as sleeping without lights or any sound in the room became an issue. We hit a few bumps along the road (well, literally when we were on the road together and figuratively) but we made it to our one year mark. WHEW! There are still a lot of things I'm trying to figure out about this thing they called married life. I've learned that I like doing laundry (yes, much to my amazement too), don't let an 8 year old kid into your room if you don't make up your bed everyday; while Richard learned that while his new wife is scared of dog bites, she bites like one or just as bad! lol.

In two months or so we are adding a new member to our family. I will probably lose sleep, get cranky, curse under my breath yet still love my little family to death all in one breath. But I'm sure that time will pass just as fast and 18 years from now I'd probably get my life back in order. I HOPE.

a day in the life of mommy and baby sheeler

2010-03-21T19:50:00.008-04:00

I was watching Mulan (yes, the cartoon) last night and baby Sheeler here started doing cartwheels inside me. I don't quite know if he was kicking or punching or just going round and round in there but I sure felt every movement of his. He must have been so riled up with the movie that he thought he was a ninja or an imperial guard. I don't know about this kid... he's so active!! Sometimes I'm afraid he's going to get his cord all coiled up around his neck because of too much turning 'round and 'round. I try to pay attention when he is not moving too much just to be safe.

Anyway, today I ventured out a little further than our backyard. I crossed the street and went to the cemetery. No, the cemetery here does not look anything like the cemetery in the Philippines. I don't think they even pile up the dead like we do in the Philippines. One lot contains only one person and not six! Imagine the party that is going on down there with six people on top of each other?! LOL!

Some pictures from across the street (same disclaimers as last time):

We always pass by the corner where this signage is located and I'm always happy to see this sign. It just amazes me when I hear historical accounts of the church and my mother-in-law's house in PA. Of course, when I first got here I was afraid to go upstairs alone at night for fear of meeting one of the old owners of the house (preacher with tall hats). I was not used to living right across the cemetery too so I didn't like looking out the window and boy do we have lots of windows!!! Please! No more scary stories for me!

Just a piece of log that I saw down at the cemetery. Nothing fanciful. I just thought it would be nice to capture it. You don't see something like this everyday in Philippines. I'm still getting used to all the greenery that I see around me everyday.

I was out walking and I wondered when the trees will start growing leaves again?! Would be nice to see them again. All these 'dead' trees around looks so depressing.

Veterans gets new flag every year!! Yes, even those who died centuries ago. Next time I venture out to the cemetery again, I'm going to try and see if I could find the oldest grave there and what year it was. I'm going when there's daylight of course, NO please don't tell me that a spirit will follow me home!! I'm going to strangle anyone who even remotely hints about it!!!!!!

More pictures were uploaded in FB (you can view them only if you are either my friend or a friend of a friend).

As the days gets sunnier and sunnier I'll venture out further and further and take pictures of other interesting things that I don't normally see in my old home. I might even go down the creek behind our house where Richard almost burned the entire backyard playing with gas and fire!!!! (That's a story for another day).

Spring is officially HERE!!!!

2010-03-20T22:59:00.005-04:00

What a wonderful sunny day!!

Today I decided to breathe a little fresh air and relearn Finance and Accounting outside the house. After reading 5 chapters I got bored and decided to take some pictures. I should put a disclaimer on that these are taken with an iPhone and not an SLR nor am I a proficient photographer.

And this one I took way way back last year when we stopped by TN. I don't know own this dog nor do I know the owner. I think we were out buying a tire for the lawn mower when I spotted this dog.

random news

2010-03-20T03:24:00.006-04:00

Here is the little stinker that's been going 'round and 'round in my belly. He is 26 weeks old here. I think I am just about to finish my 27th week and starting 28th week. Little baby Sheeler is very very active inside mommy's belly. Maybe he misses driving with his daddy, maybe he misses all the KFC and Popeyes chicken that he gets to eat on the road, who know?!

I'm pretty sure this baby is okay right now. Not too worried about getting any complications when it comes time to give birth. He seems like a pretty happy kid, always wanting to move around and give mommy some sign that he is growing. Still no name for the little stinker. Nothing sounds good or remotely close to acceptable. Everything sounds nice but nothing is jumping at us at the moment.

Richard's off in Canada, no signal for few days. I worry about him a lot but I know that he is doing his best to stay safe. He really is the best when it comes to taking care of me and the baby.

As for other news, I bought two bottle of fountain pen inks (cheap cheap) and three new FPs (cheap cheap brands too). The FPs haven't arrived yet while the inks are so-so, a bit disappointed since I can't seem to use it with EF or F nibs since they tend to look 'ghostly' and wash out. I tried it on my Lamy Vista with M nib and the Mahogany looks pretty neat. I'm anxiously waiting for my Dollar Calligraphy pen so I can try the two new inks on it. I know that these inks will probably write better with fat nibs. That's it, no more buying of FPs or inks for a while. I'm too addicted to these and should really quit and focus on getting baby stuffs together.

By the way, Richard got me a bluetooth headset. BLUEANT is what it is. It has a A2DP therefore I can listen to music from my iPod (in my iPhone) using the bluetooth headset. Besides this nifty little feature, it also has voice command that makes calling a lot easier. Of course, right now only Richard is keyed in in the speed dial! He got this with his new phone package with AT&T but he likes his old bluetooth headset. So there!! I now have this piece on my ear when he's not around coz he gets mad when I don't hear the phone ringing! I don't have any reason to go around the house and not answer my celphone anymore!! On the side notes, we changed our mobile plan and we can now call from Canada without paying the $0.89/min charge. Added to that, we now have an A-List and might get 8% off our monthly bills!! I was also able to exchange the defective OTTER case that I got with my iPhone. Apparently, the model had a production defect with the belt clip. I sent the new one to Kayla. She needs a drool free - sturdy case for her new phone. I also got a steal for two new iPhone case. One is a Griffin leather case and the other is a speck at $5 each from AT&T. The two cases are worth $60 combined! Of course, Richard thinks I have way too much cases for my iPhone but he still buys them for me. Specially if he knows that I won't be able to sleep at night if I don't get them! LOL! My husband is such a sweetheart! A little good news always goes a long way and bargain goodies are a balm to these stressful times.

where is the baby?

2010-03-14T01:56:00.003-05:00

We finally started buying things for the baby. Our first buy is a Pack 'n Play from Graco ($120 from Walmart). It triples as a play pen, changing table and bassinet. This one will sorta hold the baby until he learns how to climb out of it or is big enough for his own big boy's bed. The Pooh and Friends hanging over the bed are so cute!!! I told my hubby that I want to steal them away from the baby! LOL! I'm a mean mommy, I know.

I'll be staying in PA while Richard goes out to make money. Bah! I hate not being with him but I have to go see the doctor every two weeks or so. I don't know. Baby Sheeler don't like it, he's making a lot of fuss lately (inside my belly). He like to be on the road and bouncing around. I don't know about this kid.

Still haven't decided on a name yet. Any suggestions? I sort of liked "Hunter" but if we name him as such there's going to be too much "er" on his name. Pft! I'm stumped. Good thing I still have three more months before we have to decide on a name.

Sorry for not updating this blog, I haven't been feeling up to writing anything lately. Actually, I haven't been up to doing anything lately. I'm pregnant (excuses... excuses) lol.

mommy is a witch in the making

2010-01-29T00:43:00.002-05:00

Recently I've been feeling a gamut of negative mixed emotions ranging from pure evil rage to just plain crankiness. I have no idea if this latest batch of unwanted emotions stems from hormonal changes or just sheer life frustration. Whichever it is, I better get a hold of myself before I spiral out of control and turn into a witch.

I've been working on lots of things such as working out a debt reduction plan, financial aid for the hospital bills, emergency dental appointments, among other mini projects such as handwriting a journal and keeping my sanity. I've hit a stone wall mostly because I still don't have the income/expense statements or any of those proof of income. I am anxiously waiting to get moving along but no such luck, I don't think this will be done soon. I'm not holding my breath.

After so much stress about the baby's tiny size, it turned out that he is okay for his size and age! Phew! What a relief! But after the initial sigh of relief, my anger just boiled over! I can't believe I've just put myself through a hellish week of worrying for nothing. Let me just say this, doctors aren't my favorite people in the world! Besides the fact that they charge you an arm and a leg, they tend to stress you out more than reassure you with all these tests that they make you go through. I don't know... I'm just unhappy with all these medical stuffs that I've been put through yet what can a preggy mommy do but jump the stinky hoops?!

On top of all these BS, I lost my wedding band. YEP! Guess what?! I can't even remember the last time I seen it! Boo hoo! I'm sure it is here somewhere in the house but just can't manage to think where I last seen it! Definitely not on my finger though.

Finally, I'm sick of myself. Just that plain and simple... sick to my stomach. I'm not going to elaborate why or when it started. I really do need a breather and a lot of spiritual searching to do. I feel like I'm one of those spiritually bankrupt people running around with a thirsty soul.

teddy bears! can I have one for my birthday?

2010-01-16T16:03:00.004-05:00

Photos found in English Russia

Because really... who doesn't like stuff toys? Most specially if they are endowed with an equipment as big as this?

Adios! I'm off to Ebay to search for this tiger!

Happy Clutter Free Day!!!

2010-01-12T17:25:00.004-05:00

To change skins, evolve into new cycles, I feel one has to learn to discard. If one changes internally, one should not continue to live with the same objects. They reflect one's mind and the psyche of yesterday. I throw away what has no dynamic, living use.

-Anais Nin

I am making it official, today is my clutter free day!! My husband and I decided to swap 'offices'. I get to use the desk in our room and he gets the entire space on the other room. I've moved my stuffs in, thrown some out, and decluttered the space completely. I surrounded myself with things that I love and things that inspires me.

Few things that are on my desk right now:

1. My new Dell Studio 17. A few months of not having my own pc sorta diminished my interest in doing anything with computers. I relied heavily on my iPhone for Internet and entertainment. When Richard was forced by circumstances to buy a new laptop, he picked out this nice matte blue Dell. It was love at first sight. He used it for work for a few weeks until he received his old laptop back.

2. The Elements of Style by Strunk. Yes, I still struggle with that hair raising grammatical errors every now and then so in order to improve my writing skills I left this tiny guide on my desk. Interestingly, I still don't like the subject English. LoL.

3. Talecraft. I got these stack of cards from National Bookstore in Manila. The game is locally made in the Philippines. The aim is to help you create/write stories by giving you prompts such as plots, antagonist and protagonist. It is a good past time for budding writers and writer wanna-be.

4. Blank Journals. I've always been meaning to write by long hand the hours and days of my life. I can't ever seem to get started. I have terrible handwriting therefore whenever I start I end up tearing the pages because the words are ineligible anyway.

5. Photos and Bible. For those really lonely days, I keep a bunch of photos of me and Richard in Manila at hand. It always makes me happy to remember the days when we first met and the goofy pictures we took. Fun times. The bible I always keep handy, for guidance, for good ju-ju, for protection, or just plain reminder that this girl is saved by grace.

Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!
-Og Mandino

stress free Facebooking

2010-01-11T16:47:00.008-05:00

I'm guilty! The crime... too much Facebook time. Recently, I have found myself wandering around Facebook aimlessly trolling for the next entertaining (and not so entertaining) posts. I've seen the best and the worst from the hilarious misspelled cannibalized attempt with English words to suicidal love notes. What I find most entertaining though is the drama that can rival any TV soap opera (yes, even the Filipino ones). While some people are very open about their lives and accepts distant friend's comments, others have this ridiculous idea that their post is personal and no one should post disagreeable comments. Which led me to this blog post of mine. I've come up with a few guidelines about FB postings to save us all the BS:

RULE #1. If you posted it, it becomes a public property. Facebook is a communication avenue that is bigger than your tight circle of family (unless your list of friends consist only of your family). Once you post something they automatically appear on your friend's page or everyone (in the net) depending on your privacy settings. If you don't want people to know your business - DO NOT POST ANYTHING!

RULE #2. The things you can't say in person are the things that you shouldn't be posting in FB. Let's face it, since FB and all these social networking sites have popped up most of us don't think twice about posting our inner feelings without editing ourselves. After years and years of blogging and using these social networking sites, I've learned that the things you wouldn't dare say in person shouldn't be posted in FB. Common sense dictates that we all should live by certain rules of society, being polite is one and another is not inflicting your every thought to any passerby. We don't really want to hear about the weather in your area all the time and you wouldn't talk about the weather all the time if we met in person. Which leads us to Rule #3.

RULE #3. Facebook is not a shrink. I have seen a lot of people dumping their entire shitty life in FB; please be reminded that FB is not a shrink!!! If your head is screwed up for some reason find yourself a good shrink that will straighten your brains out. Please do not let your sadistic tendency inflict pain on the web community by posting your depressingly pathetic life. If you have the time to post all these depressing thoughts and bad ju-ju then you have the time to turn your life around for the better. Although admittedly, you are allowed a couple of melodramatic post every now and then but don't over do it please, for your sanity as well as ours.

RULE #4. If nobody responds to your post - move on! Let's be honest, we've all read and posted some mundane details of our lives that no one is interested to know much less comment about. Don't hold any grudges if people don't respond. Most of us have hundreds and hundreds of friends that post something everyday, we filter out the not so interesting ones and leave comments to those worthy of our time. If you got filtered out... try to post something smart and interesting next time or perhaps you need a crash course in English grammar and spelling so people can understand you more. There are numerous reasons why nobody commented on your post, don't take it personally. Come to think of it, if you call someone on their phone and you get the machine not everybody will give you a call back. Why do you expect a higher standard from your FB friends?

Rules are more like guidelines. Some rules are meant to be broken, be a sport - break the rules every now and then but don't over do it. Moderation is the key to a divine life. Facebook is a communication tool, use it wisely and it will serve you abundantly.

Communication works for those who work at it. -John Powell

Happy Facebooking people!

an accounting of sorts

2010-01-10T18:57:00.005-05:00

What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, 'This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hour glass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!' Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, 'Never have I heard anything more divine'?

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Ten days after we started 2010, I found myself sitting in a desk with my new laptop wondering what the hell to do with my life. The hustle and bustle of moving to the US have finally died down and now I face the new year with the question of what to do next?

I spent the first part of my life with absolutely no control over my life. My parents picked out my clothes, the school that I went to, my food, down to the last details such as bed time and bath time. In short, I was pretty much a slave to their likes and dislikes. After graduating from high school at the age of 16, I found myself with certain liberties but my actions and choices were still subject to the approval of my parents. I went to business school like all dutiful Chinese daughter. I got by with doing as little as possible; I felt like I was doing time in a prison cell, counting the days and hoping that every minute passes by faster than it did. Finally, the day of freedom arrived!!! On my graduation day, the only thought that I had in my mind was to land a job that I truly truly wanted to do. Alas! My first job was truly a disappointment. A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT. I left the company before my six months probationary period was up. It didn't feel right. I didn't want to slave my life away in a cubicle with a phone permanently hooked to my ears begging people to buy groceries from me. It wasn't what I would call my nirvana. I enrolled myself in short course baking class. I learned that bread is harder to make than to buy, to this day I never baked a piece of bread since the last day of the baking class. Two months later, I received an invitation to apply for a job which I landed after two days of exams and interview. My second job was not as horrible as the first, two out of 5 1/2 days of work I was out in the field (malls) checking inventories and displays. Money was not tickling in but I was happier than my first job. I noticed that I started to like to go out with my friends again and had more energy for other things than just the work. It was my first real understanding of stress and depression and I was glad I got out the first time without permanent damage. A couple of months later, the company structure started to became shaky; employees held strikes, a branch closed down, the managers were all talking about leaving. I started to panic a little bit but I waited and waited, then one day I received a call from a big company wanting to interview me for a position in one of their department. I was leery at first, it would've been my third job in less than a year after I graduated. I conferred with my parents and my oldest brother, they told me to try the job first before rejecting the idea so there I was back to where I started... SALES job albeit an international one. I began with so much enthusiasm that was quickly dashed when I was transferred to a new manager with less experience than me. My career was doomed! To cut the story short, he moved up the organization and left our department and I was back under my favorite boss. My life became easier but still the job left me unsatisfied. One day I woke up and realized that I was back in the same old rut. I didn't have the freedom to live my life the way that I wanted to but instead of quitting I changed my way of thinking. I woke up everyday with the purpose of loving my job and myself. Eventually, I learned to love the job that I had and then it was time to move on again. I received another job offer that paid higher and I jumped ship. And while the job did not work out as I hoped it would be, I met a lot of fun and interesting people in the workplace. A few months later, I was forced by circumstances to leave again. This time I wasn't taking any chances, while I half heartedly looked for another job, I set my sight in going to law school. My parents agreed to finance my studies, I think for lack of options on their part. Did I ever mentioned I hated school prior to this? Yeah, I did. It was a big gamble for my parents to spend all that money on my further studies but they did it anyway (perhaps out of love, desperation and hopelessness... who knows). I picked out a school that I instantly hated on the first day. It was small, cramped, and they have absolutely no organized structure. They thrived on an ancient system of 'mano mano' (not yet computerized) and the students are left to wonder where their grades comes from. Safe to say that it was 'hate at the first sight'. I did my best to cope with all these BS because I know that my parents are spending these huge amount of money but I wasn't as happy as I thought I would be. One thing I learned though was that I didn't hate learning per se, I hated the environment that I was in but my love for learning grew day by day. Amazingly, this phase of my life didn't last long either. I would have loved to tell my readers that I made it and I am now a fantastic and brilliant lawyer but that is not what is meant for me, at least not yet. I met my wonderful husband two years into law school. We had what could best be described as a whirlwind romance. We got married a few months after knowing each other and six months later I moved to US and got pregnant.

I am now 18 weeks pregnant, my little baby is growing bigger and bigger everyday. Looking back, who I was and who I am now is pretty much the same. I would like to believe that all the miserable years that I spent in school, jobs, and in between have made me the person that I am. If I am asked to live my life over and over again, I wouldn't mind so much. All those misery have led me to this moment, a loving husband and a little baby in my tummy.

You wouldn't hear a single sigh escape from these lips of mine.

A Life Worth Living

2009-11-13T11:34:00.001-05:00

“What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, 'This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!' Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, 'Never have I heard anything more divine'?”

-Friedrich Nietzsche

ANSWER to be continued.

confessions of a bad mommy

2009-11-04T23:36:00.000-05:00

I will probably get lots of bad comments about this post yet I can't bottle it all down inside me anymore. If you want to make nasty comments, take your best shot... I already feel crappy and depressed about all this already I don't think you can make me feel any worse.

*** *** ***

YES I am pregnant.

How do I feel??? I have mixed emotions. I'm excited but unhappy. YES, there... I've said it. I've puked day in day out for weeks now, my sense of smell have led me to so many bad moments. My stomach feels quesy all the time. I'm sick and tired of being sick. On top of all these, I feel like my life as I know and want it is over. Moving to the US wasn't quite as smooth as I had hoped it would be. I don't miss home, just as I expected, but I miss me. I miss myself so much that I sometimes lay down for hours and hours wondering how to get myself back. I will probably make the worse mother on earth. How can I raise another human being, teach the kid how to wade through this life when I can't even do it for myself? I've lost my voice... I don't know if there is a way to find it again or if I could find a new voice again.

I've read somewhere that pregnant women produces oxycotin to make them "happier" and make them bond more with their baby, if this is true, then my body is just not making the required daily oxycotin. I'm still waiting to be 'happy' about this whole thing. Every now and then, I smile and wonder what the baby would look like but honestly I feel sorry for this baby, he just didn't get the best mommy bargain in town.

There, please stop asking me how do I feel about this whole pregnancy. I'm just not upto explaining all these all over again. Then again, maybe it's just the hormones.

Rebirth

2009-10-22T00:54:00.001-04:00

I have lost everything and I have gained everything. I did not want to burn my bridges but to move forward I must burn it without hesitation. Out of the fire a new Ivy must emerge. A rebirth of dreams and hopes.

I will pour all my love and passion to my child. He will carry on my strength, my power, and my pride. My dreams will live in him. He is my new identity. I am a mommy; I have no other hopes and dreams but to have a healthy baby to carry on a part of my legacy.

Life with iPhone

Naruto Shippuden

2009-10-20T23:28:00.000-04:00

I feel like a five year old following Naruto Shippuden comics over the internet. But when your sitting in the truck 24/7 being a kid with fascination with anime passes the time ever so quickly.

The life of a newly preggy mom is like a roller coaster. Somedays you are excited to see your baby; and somedays the thought of raising a kid terrorizes the hell out of you enough to wanna clamp your legs and not let it out into the world. The puking does not help either.

Life with iPhone

The Obama Syndrome: A Buyer's Remorse

2009-10-16T15:21:00.000-04:00

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article5950373.ece

Sometimes I wonder about Obama and his dreams. Could it be that his father's dream is for him to become a celebrity??? Come on Sir, you are already the President of the United States of America. You don't need our votes anymore!!! Go to work!!! Stop messing around in front of the camera giving us your pretty speech! We need you to get on with the task of carrying this country out of this shitty economic hell hole and right back on track! Everytime I stop and have lunch, your face is always on the news giving your pretty speech! Stop the speeches and go to work! You are NOT a celebrity quit acting like one.

Buyer's remorse is a bitch!

PS: if you give health benefits to the illegal immigrants here, the country will go bankrupt! Idiot!!!!

Going to CT

2009-10-04T21:13:00.000-04:00

We are heading to CT now dropping off a load. It is getting colder and colder everyday.

We might be dropping by mom's house then onwards to grandpa's house. Hope some of the Cappitte family will come out to see me. :-)

Life with iPhone

It's chilly in Vegas!!

2009-09-30T14:31:00.001-04:00

Yep! Believe it or not it is noon time here and it's chilly. We are done with helping Rick move out. On our way to hunting new load... Hopefully something that pays good and heading towards Alaska.

Life with iPhone

my bits and pieces about trust

2009-09-17T01:56:00.003-04:00

The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be- and when they're not, we cry.

-Author Unknown

It gives me the creeps how some people lie and mislead others to believe in them. More shocking is that sometimes our heart already knows when we are being lied to but still we continue to trust and hope that we are wrong. The tears that falls by reason of betrayals does not wash away the bitterness. The hurt continues to eat you up and consume that part of your soul that believes in all good things. Pretty soon you will find yourself emptied by all the lies.

Trust is nothing but a fickle word that we hope will bind us to humanity. People trust us because of what we do everyday. It takes a single thread of lie or deceit and the chain of trust is broken forever. One cannot command a person to trust them nor can the chain ever be linked again. Once broken all is lost. Don't try to piece it all back and don't make any excuses- you will gain nothing by it. Write them all off your 'friends' list. Forget about them, move on. You are better off alone than in the company of a liar. Raise your standards, let your YES be a yes and your NO be a no. Impose it on those around you and this world may become a better place still.

driving

2009-09-02T13:09:00.002-04:00

i suck at driving.

yesterday was the first time that i drove a car. hubby was yelling and screaming at the passenger seat. good thing i didn't hit anything or anybody.

we got home safely.

the bondage

2009-08-12T03:27:00.000-04:00

You Are 52% Control Freak

Generally, you are in control but not a control freak. You life is usually in order.

However, sometimes you get too obsessed with making everything in your life picture perfect.

Are You A Control Freak?

chatterbox

2009-08-11T08:45:00.002-04:00

How ironical that it is by means of speech that man can degrade himself below the level of dumb creation -- for a chatterbox is truly of a lower category than a dumb creature.

-Soren Kierkegaard

Too much anymore certainly kills the effects of sarcasm. :lol:

*** *** ***
Nyt people! My visa is on its way. Going home soon.

the unforgivables

2009-08-05T17:16:00.005-04:00

I did not notice, but I was no longer looking back in anger, or looking forward even, to victory and vindication. Only now do I see. I had lived with my anger so long, only for the day to come when it no longer mattered to me. The only thing that counted was that I was living every day to the fullest, bringing out the best in me—for someone else.

-Teddy Locin; Eulogy for President Aquino

How many of us live in constant need for vengeance? How many of us started out with the intent to be chivalrous only to end up in bitter gloating? Once you let the anger and hatred in, it becomes hard to be objective. It may seem that you have won, in truth, it would feel good for a while. Yet the victory will be hollow, and the emptiness will eat at you for eternity.

I know this of myself, I easily ignite into a ball of fury. A character flaw that I will have to keep correcting for the rest of my life. However, as a way of anger management, I have learned to meditate to channel my inner self away from hate. A part of that meditation is writing down what I feel either by blogging or in my diary. I am learning to control my emotions to remain rational and balanced. I am also practicing weeding out toxic people, places, and events out of my life. In doing so, I believe I am honoring myself by abstaining from hatred, deceit and lies; I am honoring my God given dignity to be the best that I can be.

One day the anger will fade, forgiveness will come, and even the unforgivable will be forgotten.

Today, WE mourn.

2009-08-04T14:26:00.004-04:00

I've reached a point in life where it's no longer necessary to try to impress. If they like me the way I am, that's good. If they don't, that's too bad.

- Corazon Aquino

To the woman who stepped up and toppled down a regime of dictatorship. To the woman who gave us back our democracy, our dignity, our identity. We salute you Madam President, Mrs. Cory Aquino. We mourn for the loss of an icon, you are the epitome of grace, compassion, and strength. You did not bend when others would have you crushed. Your passion for truth, justice, freedom inspires so many of us. We lived in constant numbness, we have forgotten that the change that we so desperately needs begins in our hearts. You did not try to impress us, you did your job to the best of your abilities and you continued to give yourself long after your presidency.

I just do whatever it is that I believe I should do, regardless of the risks to my life.

-Corazon Aquino

It has been a long journey, I hope that you are enjoying your reunion with Senator Ninoy Aquino. You have served your country well.

Thank you.

a trash by any other name will smell as bad (R-18)

2009-08-03T15:40:00.001-04:00

1. WHORE - a woman who engages in sexual acts for money

2. SLUT - a promiscuous woman

3. BITCH - a: a lewd or immoral woman
b: a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman —sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse

I don't know if you are number 1.
You certainly dress like number 2.
Unfortunately, you act like number 3.
So what are you really? Number 1, Number 2, or Number 3?

the world that i desire is mine.

2009-08-03T11:06:00.000-04:00

In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours.

- Ayn Rand

2009-08-01T12:05:00.001-04:00

I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.

-Virginia Satir

In the end, I can only say this... I have learned to accept and love myself knowing full well that I am responsible for my own personal growth. I will create happiness for myself, I will own up to my mistakes albeit I'll be bitching all the way, I am uniquely and unapologetically me.

If you find my person unacceptable, then go away! I don't need approval from anyone... I approve of myself already. And if one day I figure out that I don't like this version of me anymore, I'll go about doing something else to change me but the changes will be on my terms.

No one owns me, no one can buy my opinion, no one will dictate how I will live my life.

are you ready to meet your god?

2009-07-31T15:46:00.002-04:00

Here check out his profile. (click me)

This man is totally crazy!! He really made the entire bio/website and thinks that he can attract girls. Damn! He did say he's on the brink of being a 'billionare' though, so I expect to hear his name in a year or so in the news as the next big dick... opppss. I mean thing.

His website made my day though. Hahahahaha!

i love angelina jolie!

2009-07-31T12:01:00.006-04:00

edit/

Hey! It's raining in Manila!!! It's been on and off for a few days now. It's great if it last long enough to clear the hot air out. Not so good if it is on for a short while only because it only makes the air hotter.

Got tons of things to do today.

**** **** ****

I think all women go through periods where we hate this about ourselves, we don't like that. It's great to get to a place where you dismiss anything you're worried about. I find flaws attractive. I find scars attractive.

-Angelina Jolie

I love Angelina! She's the kind of person who made mistakes in her youth and still come out strong and whole. She is beautiful but her beauty does not lie in her outer looks.

I wonder how many people can actually say that about their scars? I bet not many. And those who refuses to love their flaws? The people who need to validate themselves by comparing their size, shape and color against the rest of the world? I bet they live in misery. Always thinking they have to lose weight, always wondering if their husband still loves them because they're turning grey and old, always wondering when their youth and 'beauty' would fade, and always wondering if the people that surround them really likes them or they are just there because they are 'beautiful' today. How terrible it must be to live in constant insecurity? They must have strived so hard to conceal their low self-esteem.

I urge women to love themselves. Love yourself not because you are beautiful today, love yourself because you are unique. Above all else, love yourself enough to improve not only your looks but also your intelligence and emotional stability.

tribute to the brown-noser

2009-07-30T12:01:00.006-04:00

The test of a man or woman's breeding is how they behave in a quarrel.

-George Bernard Shaw

This blog's sitemeter shows lots of hits for the past few hours, it seems that my post about stupidity has caught the fancy of a few 'fans'. The logo and warning at the end of this page should serve as a reminder to everyone that this site is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Philippines License. Use of statements derived from this site must be attributed to the writer.

Thank you.

PS: Bad publicity is still publicity. So thank you to whoever is spreading the word around. And to those who are complaining about the contents of this blog... please read the TITLE of the blog. What were you exactly expecting? DUH?!

*** *** ***

Do you know the difference between brown-nosing and ass-kissing?

Depth perception.

-Hijacking Hollywood

Are you guys familiar with the term brown-noser? Mirriam-Webster says that its etymology is from the implication that servility is equivalent to having one's nose in the anus of the person from whom advancement is sought.

It is easy to lead the fools, what's hard is to lead the saner side of the population. If you are going to be a brown-noser, at least be sure that the asses that you kissing are worth your time and effort (not to mention the poo that will stick on your face). There are a lot of brown-nosers in this world. We used to have one in my workplace.

What's worse than a brown-noser? The people that kisses their ass!

forever and ALMOST always

2009-07-30T06:14:00.004-04:00

"You'll be my Forever and Almost Always,
It ain't right to just love me when you can
I won't wait patiently, or wake up everyday
Just hoping that you'll still care "

-KV.

:(

ignorance is NOT bliss!

2009-07-30T02:19:00.004-04:00

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

-Bob Hope

I'm stumped. Some people are S-T-U-P-I-D. Plain and simple.

I'm not being mean, and I'm not trying to be a bitch. BUT let's face it. Some people are just plain idiots. Whatever socio-economic status they are, whatever class they came from, some of them spouts so many stupidity to make a person puke. I'm telling you their ideas are just plain crap and have no intellectual value at all.

I wonder why the world keeps churning out these people. Shouldn't we as the progressive generation have at least minimized these tendency to become stupid by providing education?

I don't know about you, but it sure feels like we as a collective whole has failed some of our citizens.

Prisoners Dancing in Tribute to MJ

2009-07-28T12:53:00.001-04:00

It is always amazing to see how creative and ingenious the Filipinos are.
Props up to everyone who danced on this number!!!

reading a mail-order-bride's account

2009-07-27T14:24:00.002-04:00

Click me! < To read the article.

After reading the story of this lady, I realized that the way I stress about the monetary support that my husband is sending me now is pretty much because of my own self-esteem. I don't want to feel or to be seen as some gold digging whore because I receive remittance money from my substantially older husband. He never made me feel this way, in fact, he gets mad at me for constantly wanting to refuse money from him. Although my husband and I did not meet on an international paid dating agency, I still sometimes feel bad about the amount of money that he is spending on me. But as my husband would always remind me, marriage is a partnership and that financially supporting each other is part of the commitment.

2009-07-26T16:09:00.004-04:00

Join with those who sing songs, tell stories, enjoy life … because happiness is contagious. Join those who walk with their heads high even when they have tears in their eyes. Avoid those who … have never shed a tear

-Paulo Coelho

My husband and I have enough worries and stressful situations in our lives, so please when we meet, quit complaining about your insipid life! I know we are friends (but not best friends), so please keep your personal BS to yourself, quit complaining and enjoy what little time we both have left. Don't tell me about your personal shits, I have enough of them but have never seen the need to dump them all on you.

Likewise, if you are a coward and just wants to remain in the shadow. Don't waste my time. In fact, don't bother complaining about your boring work if you are not willing to jump ship! Stay in your mediocre world, stay in your hole, don't drag me into it!

I have very little time left in the Philippines, if all goes well, I don't need to be burdened by your insignificant and boring life. Let's go out, let's enjoy life, don't bog me down with your problems. If I wanted to think about my problems, I would've just stayed home and sulked. I'd just stay home and wonder why the hell am I not winning the lottery, or why is the Philippines getting worse and worse.

Your problems are small compared to the rest of the people who got hit by the global financial crisis. Live with it, deal with it, and STOP COMPLAINING! If you want to let out all your life baggages, go to a therapist. I'm not being paid to listen to your crap. And even if you want to pay me good money I still don't want to listen to your crap. I have enough crap! Thank you.

Now, get the hell out of my mobile inbox!

*** *** ***

Hun, this one is still not for you! This blog does not revolve around you! Hahahhaa. :-* I love you!

Do You Have the Fears of a Child or an Adult?

2009-07-25T10:16:00.000-04:00

You Have the Fears of an Adult

Your fears don't paralyze you - they are very rooted in reality.

You have had enough loss in your life to know more is to come, and you dread it.

Compared to most people, you deal with your fears well. They don't ruin your life.

Your fears are strong and very real, but you try to let them go. You know you can't control what happens.

Do You Have the Fears of a Child or an Adult?

on being a woman

2009-07-23T14:36:00.006-04:00

when all this started, I asked myself, 'Am I going to withdraw from the world, like most people do, or am I going to live?' I decided I am going to live-or at least try to live-the way I want, with dignity, with courage, with humor, with composure.

Mitch Albom

As a woman, I find it utterly ridiculous whenever people ask me why I stopped my study of law to get married. I've been meeting up with friends lately and I've caught myself every now and then, whenever I am asked what happened to law school and why I suddenly got married, I feel like I have to defend my choice and summarize it with logic.

Why can't a woman choose to get married and change the course of her life without people assuming that she is weak and her decisions are subject to her whims? Is it a crime now to abandon intellectual pursuit to be with the person you love and adore the most?

I am all about girl power, but this feminist bullshit stereotyping is not for me. I tell you, we are still the same, women are still not liberated. In fact, it is worse nowadays, women imprison each other by saying that women must be strong, career oriented, she must not devote her entire life to raising her kids, she must be like a man. But aren't those as limiting as when we were not allowed to study or to vote? Shouldn't a woman, of legal age, decide the kind of life she wants to pursue regardless of what others think or want for her? Is it a crime if a woman is happy to be a housewife? Why does society dictates that women must have logical explanation why she's getting married?

To me this is just another form of slavery in a reverse version. Women must now appear to be tougher, logical, less emotion and goal-oriented. God forbid if she marries quickly and decides to change her fate. Women condemn each other with all these lifeless rules.

And while I cringe at the thought of being a housewife myself, I salute those women who tend to their family 24/7. I commend you for going against all this feminist shit about the role of a women. You go girl!

Medical Exam for the US Visa - PASSED!

2009-07-23T10:24:00.001-04:00

I'm done! Whoo hoo!!!

Read my story here> MY CR1 VISA JOURNEY TO THE USA

Got PIZZA for dinner... whoo hoo!! My favorite! I sure am glad that the US is a PIZZA loving country. Hehe. I'd die without PIZZA!

motor mouth

2009-07-20T12:29:00.001-04:00

some people just won't stop talking. my ears are tired... lay off the volume please!

weight vs weight

2009-07-17T12:45:00.004-04:00

I was born a chubby baby. I grew into a skinny kid. I went into puberty and got fat. I graduated from college thinner. I am now an overweight adult. Another statistics. Just another number. In the end, I was never really accepted. Whichever size I wore. I was never good enough.

It seems that the world is always obssessed about weight. I lived all my life in a house where I am either too thin or too fat. Nobody can ever really win.

I always tell my friends who likes to critize my weight, as you can see... my body says how richly blessed I am.

I probably eat in excess of what I really need and I don't move around too much. But I don't care, we're all fucked up anyway. I am not wasting my life in agony over a figure.

adventure of a lifetime

2009-07-16T02:59:00.002-04:00

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.

-Helen Keller

A few weeks from today, I will be going in for the interview of my life. It is the most important interview of my existence because when I pass, it will trigger a great adventure with my husband. So far, we've been on pins and needles whether he will be able to come here and join me on my interview and flight home (to US). I admit that I am a bit apprehensive about this new path of mine. For the last 5 months, I've been numbing myself with sleep, tv, and food just so I won't feel the separation anxiety. Turns out, as soon as I got the interview date, I'm not trying to numb myself from all the moving anxiety. I find myself often torn between being ecstatic about reuniting with my husband and starting a new life versus the angst of leaving my little oyster. Lately, I feel like I've been thrown into a big family pot and I have no clue on what to do or how to act. I've been thinking on what to do when I do get to meet them in person. It seems silly, I know, but acquiring a whole bunch of family from my husband's side seems a bit scary considering that I've lived in a small family of five all my life. Now I got a bunch of in-laws, step kids, step grand kids, and extended family.

Life is a big adventure, marriage for one throws many curve balls, but I'm happy to say that I'm glad I took this big adventure with my husband. Everything seems daunting and difficult at the moment yet I'm sure somewhere out there is a silver lining just for me.

the climb

2009-07-11T09:01:00.002-04:00

We are on the last leg of our immigration race, it's been 4 months or so since I touched or kissed my husband. Our marriage comprises of seeing each other on computer screen, hearing each other's voice over the telephone, text messages, and emails. Everytime I hear a love song over the radio or see a couple holding hands, I feel bad that my marriage has to start with miles of separation. The wait has been unbearable... but now that we're almost done with my immigration papers, I could ALMOST sigh. I can finally see our fate a bit clearer. Everyday is a day of anticipation. Everday is a dream waiting to happen.

It took me a while to find 'the one'... it took a while to let go of the past hurts... but the journey to meeting my hubby is worth it. I'm glad I waited but mostly, I'm glad that I took a chance on him. I gambled my heart and I won the greatest prize.

Thank you hun, you are and always will be the best husband.

do you believe in fate?

2009-07-07T00:26:00.004-04:00

... I sometimes certainly do. like yesterday, i was out running some errands and I dropped by Booksale store in SM Sta. Mesa. I wasn't particularly looking for any book and lo and behold I found a cheap LSAT review book (cost Php149 or approx USD3). It is not the latest edition but it will do for first time reviewer. I've been researching about law schools and Tennessee the past few weeks out of boredom. A couple of months ago I started to look for law school in TN but stopped because it was too depressing to think about. It just kept on reminding how stagnant my life have been since summer vacation started. Anyway, I was amazed at my newest book find because I feel like the world is telling me to hang on to my dreams of becoming a lawyer and that it is still possible. I've always prided myself for being able to move on and adjust to any circumstances without fuss. However, it seems that the world or fate or God wants to remind me that nothing is impossible as long as I have the intense desire for it.

Life does sometimes bring unexpected gifts... it is just a matter of knowing how to read the signs.

Happy Birthday Mom!

2009-07-05T20:53:00.002-04:00

Happy birthday and many more birthdays to come!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA!!!

2009-07-04T19:07:00.002-04:00

Because you're not allowed to eat real cakes... here's a good picture of it!

Happy birthday!

baby cody and ivy's playdate!

2009-07-03T18:54:00.000-04:00

I went to visit Sarrah and her baby, Cody. The mother and son was cooped up in their house while the dad was at work. It has been two months since I last talked to Sarrah and seen baby Cody. I arrived there 2:20PM and left around 7PM. WOW! 5 Hours of playing with baby Cody. I took some pictures of the growing boy.

This tiny kiddo sure do kick a lot. I think he'll have a good career in Taekwando or Swimming. He enjoys taking a bath so I'd bet my money on swimming!

the ring

2009-07-03T10:12:00.000-04:00

The heart is forever inexperienced.

-Henry David Thoreau

Often times I would sit and play with my wedding ring and wonder what the hell have I gotten myself into!? It is a common knowledge among my friends that my husband is my first relationship. I've never had a fling, never had an "M.U.", never had puppy love relationship or any kind of relationship for that matter before my husband. He is literally my first relationship. And frankly, everyday I pray that I won't do some boo-boo to mess things up. I've also realized that as much as I am good with reading people and how men and women differ, there are days when the woman hormones in me just won't shut it. So, I figured some guy with a Ph.D. might help me in my relationship skills (no, I don't think I have any since I'm still considered a newbie). I went to National Bookstore to find a book titled "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" as suggested by a friend. The book is sold out. I scanned a few books but couldn't find somthing that I liked or resonated with my being so I went to Booksale instead. Browsed some novels and to my amazement I found "Mars and Venus Together Forever" another book by author John Gray about men, women, and their relationship behaviors. I scanned the price and saw that it only cost Php80. Yep! Php80!!! I could not believe my luck and snatched the book for myself. So now, I'm reading a self-help book about marriage and relationship (who would have thought that?!). I feel funny inside; but mostly I feel like one of those cliche person who finds advices in books. But what the heck, if it helps me keep my marriage "together forever" then I'd stick around until the last page.

Broken Hearted Girl

2009-06-28T15:48:00.002-04:00

Heard this song while I was riding a taxi home yesterday.

*** *** ***

I think I have just become the victim of my own self-loathing.
Anyway, moving on... it is already monday tomorrow. I have to set up another dental work meeting with my dentist. I need to fix everything before I fly to the USA. Also, I got to do clearance in school and get a transcript.

memory lane

2009-06-27T11:47:00.002-04:00

To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real, to know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold utopian dream. You do something to me that I can't explain, so would I be out of line if I said I miss you?

Incubus

Girls night out last night was a great break from all worrying that I've been doing lately. I'm worried about everything and can't seem to do nothing to keep me from feeling better. I feel like everything is getting out of control and there's nothing that I can do to fix things. And knowing that one does not have any power to change things just makes it all the more depressing. I tell yah. BUT last night was a big change of perspective for me. I was out with a friend who is already 6 weeks pregnant. Her finances are in shambles and the father of the baby refuses to even discuss marriage with her. It just breaks my heart that she is going through this but I know that she will overcome the obstacles someday. Listening to her made me realize that I am still lucky despite our current situation. It made me appreciate my husband all the more for stepping up, marrying me, and doing everything within his capabilities to keep us together. And I couldn't wait to get back home to hear his voice. I know that by marrying him I made the most crucial and important decision of my life; and everyday I wake up thankful to whatever cosmic power that brought us together.

When I got home this morning, I found him sorting through his phone bills and marking all calls made to me. It was already late and he was still working on it. Then I got to reading our old emails from the day that we met. We sounded so goofy and cheezy but it made me smile and miss my husband all the more. As I am typing this blog, I'm watching him sleep. I wish I can curl up beside him and give him the warmest hug and my 'I love you so much' kiss.

We are not rich, we get by most of the days, but in my heart of hearts... I am richly blessed beyond what any mind can imagine.

quick laugh

2009-06-23T15:32:00.003-04:00

For the dreamers:

For the people who are Mathematically Challenged :

*Photos are not mine and are all stumbled upon in the internet. If there is a copyright infringement, I am willing to take it down and do public apology.

i dont know who i am anymore

2009-06-21T03:05:00.000-04:00

have i turned into a monster?

friday blues

2009-06-18T12:46:00.000-04:00

woke up around 3pm, yeah yeah.. I'm a lazy butt whatever!
Got a call from friends around 4:30PM and they wanted to meet up. We met in Pizza Hut (Nagtahan) and ate dinner there around 6PM. They gave me the latest buzz in school, who got booted out, their new professors, their new classmates, and etc. It made me miss that part of my life... the constant stress from school work, the need to laugh hysterically at oneself otherwise you'd go completely mad if you can't. I miss buying heavy law books and yellow pads and pens. I have no idea whether this stems from actually missing school OR I just hate that my life is temporarily suspended from all normalcy until I get my visa. After much thinking, I think it is more of the latter. I miss knowing what I have to do next, I miss being challenged by puzzling cases or idea, I miss all the brain activities that law school provided, and most of all I miss being useful. Don't get me wrong there is not a hint of regret that I got married and decided that I want a life with my husband... I have no regrets whatsoever and is grateful everyday for the wonderful twist of fate in meeting my hubby.

I guess there's just that tiny tiny part of me that hopes that this visa journey will soon end and I can start living a normal life again with my husband. I hate being in limbo, I hate sitting here and waiting for the papers. MY MIND IS BECOMING A MUSH!!! I hate inactivity! I'm lazy yet even this lazy ass is tired of waiting at home for a case completion in NVC and waiting for an interview date at the US embassy! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HURRY UP!!!

unburdening

2009-06-16T14:09:00.002-04:00

In many ways I see the world as it is - ugly and deprave. I have never been able to see it as otherwise as much as I try. I see all too clearly the many foibles of men. And I thought I was far beyond these foibles but alas I realize I am just as human and a woman to boot!

inamorata

2009-06-15T09:55:00.003-04:00

inamorata, at least you were loved

fed by the need to suckle the sinful fruit
inamorata, you were more than a passing fancy
for you, he abandoned his duty and pride
seduced by your beauty, sated by your lust

inamorata, Adam loved you more than Eve

*** *** ***

Haven't really tried writing any poem lately and I was watching a movie when this came to my mind. As I was watching this movie play out, I find it odd that movies almost always reflect mistresses as seductive, alluring, beautiful, lusty and corrupt. However, the man would usually abandon his wife and home to be with his mistress. It makes me wonder if Adam would have chosen Eve had it been that God created another woman beside her.

Lately, I'm finding it hard to find inspiration to write anything that matters. The world have moved on while numbly going through my day to day life as though there's nothing new to experience.

I'm not going back to school this school year... my visa papers are almost done, and if God is merciful... there will be no RFEs for us. I find that my law school friends have somehow moved on, and I am slowly retreating back to my old circle of friends in college. Most of them are in a relationship, one is getting married soon, and the other is already married. I have now more things in common with them when I got married early this year and I have never understood when people says that time flies yet indeed time do fly! In the short span of time, I have transitioned from somebody who thinks she'll be single for life and therefore must work harder to have a brighter career to feel fulfilment; to a wife who must consider her husband in her decisions and have responsibilities on her shoulder. Ah, life has so many twist and turns... but always I am glad that I took this road.

I think that in my heart of hearts, I know that I am destined to be great but I am always, and maybe still, unwilling to take the step towards that greatness. I am terribly comfortable at being the last to finish, the average kid, the plain one that I could not for the life of me imagine anything different. Dear readers, perhaps someday I will be great... but not today. Today, my timid heart beats for anonymity.

sleepyhead

2009-06-09T12:07:00.001-04:00

arrived at the house around 8am... super tired. went to sleep around 10am until around 5pm. whew! talk about hybernating.

didn't do much, was too sleepy to do anything. plus, i wanted to recouperate from all the travelling, don't want to get sick and be accused of having the AH1N1 virus.

going HOME soon!!!

2009-06-09T10:46:00.005-04:00

Last day in SG, woke up around 10AM, had to take a quick shower and meet Irene up for lunch. We went to the Cityhall for lunch at a Sushi place. I ordered an Ebi bento box for myself and had small portions of Pheonix sushi, Seafood and Beef Paper Hot pot. They ordered some raw sushi but I didn't bother to try... I don't like raw foods. We headed out to get some coffee and I found a bookstore that was selling diaries for SG7 (PHP 200+), I decided to buy two to save for my US trips. I used my AMEX credit card. When I got out of the store, I lost track of where the coffee shop was and I was going around in circles! DAMN STUPID ME!!! Good thing Adrian found me and he brought me back to the coffee shop.

Afterwards, we walked to another mall (forgot the name) and took pictures outside where there's a "Durian" like domes. We walked back to raffle's and just hanged out there. Around 5PM, we decided to leave for Newton to try the Chilli Crab place again but to our dismay they were still closed due to maintainance. We went back to Ang Mo Kio instead and ate at a resto where they serve a different kind of roasted duck. We ate an 8 course meal for 7 persons (we were only 6 persons) and we probably shocked the waitresses. Adrian bought us some baked potatoes to take to the airport later that night. Went back to Adrian's place to pack our stuffs.

We decided to leave around 9PM for Changi Airport.

/edit

I'm currently in Changi Airport Budget Terminal waiting for my flight back to Philippines. Free Internet is made available here... nice huh?

I'm so fucking tired!!! :( I think I can sleep for 24 hours straight! I also have way too many family time already. I need my space! Hahaha :) This travel is just one of the infamous "teng" travels where we are always rushing and worrying... I hate it! Why can't this family relax for one second and enjoy and savor the experience is beyond me. It drives me crazy!!! So again, I NEED MY SPACE!!! :)

I miss my hubby so much and every minute that I spend here in Singapore is a never ending torture of wishing that he is here with me. I can't believe I came back here in Singapore and I'm still without my hubby. Long distance marriage sucks like hell!!! :(( Since I landed in SG, I've only heard my hun's voice for 1 min... and dang! I miss his voice so much already!!! :((

I haven't heard much about my visa papers, last time my hun updated me he said that he paid the IV bill already. I have yet to update my other blog for the timeline.

I'm ready to snooze but there's still a long ways to go before I reach home.

/edit

Our flight was delayed. We boarded around 1:30PM due to long airport taxi.

MELACA to SG

2009-06-08T11:01:00.001-04:00

Woke up early, we decided to walk in A FAMOSA where there was some sort of tourist attraction about some Dutch walls. Anyhoo, we took tons of pictures and headed out back to the Mall. We ate at Old Town for breakfast. BOY!!! They forgot my order!! Sheesh!! We had to remind them about it. We arrived there around 10:20AM and they served my meal at 11AM. Our bus back to SG was leaving at 1:30PM. We had to hurry back to the inn and check out. Mom broke one of the key cards and we had to pay 20 Ringgit for it! Sheesh! Talk about bad luck. We rode the city bus and arrived in Melaca Sentral just in time to buy snacks and board the bus back to SG.

We arrived in SG around 5PM already. We went back to Adrian's house and freshened up. I changed my demin to shorts and decided to wear slippers instead of shoes. We went to Newton for some chilli crabs but the food court was closed. We headed back to Ang Mo Kio and ate at New York New York instead. We ordered 2 pound burger. I ate 1/4th of it and a slice of pizza. Their pizza was not as savory as the pizza here in Manila. After dinner, we walked back to Adrian's place and finally had a good night sleep.

*Pictures from New York New York to be uploaded later.

KL to MELACA

2009-06-07T10:23:00.000-04:00

(Posted June 11, 2009)

Woke up around 9AM, went down for breakfast and had a nice swim at the Citrus hotel pool. We had fun just playing in the pool for an hour or so then it was time to pack and check out. We rode taxi to the Pudaraya bus station and got on the 1PM bus going to Melaca. I feel asleep in the bus! We arrived in Melaca Sentral (bus station) and found a city bus going to Finnix Inn where we are staying for one night. Went up to our room, I'm rooming with Aladdin this time, freshened up and went out to walk within the city. The city bus cost 1 Ringgit per person (any destination in the small city). Adrian did not want to get out of the bus for fear of getting lost, but when I saw a plaza where lots of tourist bus was parked I convinced him to get out of the bus so we can walk around and take pictures. Turns out that we were a closer to the inn where we were staying and almost all of the tourist spots were within walking distance. We had a blast walking around the plaza, ate their local 'halo-halo' dish and chicken ball rice at Famosa Resto. We proceeded to join the throng in Jonker walk where all things 'made in china' are for sale. Feels like tutuban to me. We headed back to the hotel late night.. tired from all the walking.

Found this sign when we were walking to our hotel. Made me laugh.

GENTING HIGHLANDS

2009-06-06T09:33:00.003-04:00

(Posted June 11, 2009)

Woke up early, 8AM and showered then got dressed. We ate big breakfast (free eat all you can buffet at the hotel) and quickly went to the bus station. We arrived there around 9:30AM, tickets for the early buses were sold out. Dad got 6 tickets for the 1:30PM bus without consulting everybody first. Adrian did not want to wait until 1PM to ride the bus. We had minor disagreements and Adrian prevailed. We had to sell 6 tickets at lower price; we managed to sell only 5 tickets. We then rode the taxi for 20 Ringgit per person. We arrived at Genting around 11AM. After couple of rides, we ate at the Chinese food court. Around 7PM, we were already lined up to ride the cable car back to the other side of the mountain for our bus ride home. We arrived at the bus station 8:05PM, the bus already left!!! Good thing there was one last trip of 8:30PM to Puduraya Station. We got on that bus and arrived in Puduraya around 40 minutes later. We had our dinner in Peri-peri; I got the extra-hot chicken, potato salad, and potato chips (fries). It was delicious!!!

We went back to our hotel after dinner, the family wanted to eat at the side street restaurant. We sat there for what seems like 20 mins and the food arrived. Irene and I were so tired, we decided to head to the hotel first. Upon arrival, I stripped off my clothes and soaked in the hot tub for a few minutes to relax my legs. I was dead tired and my knees hurt a lot. Adrian was already back in the hotel when I came out of the bathroom. Fell asleep for a few minutes then heard Adrian's phone ringing. I got up and saw that it was my hubby calling!!! WHEE!! I was so happy to hear his voice. I couldn't use the phone long because it will cost Adrian a lot of money since we are in Malaysia. So we talked for a minute and we hanged up. I got a good sleep after that.

KL day 1

2009-06-05T11:59:00.001-04:00

we spent half day riding a bus to cross from sg to mal. once we arrived in kl we rode a tAxi to the citrus hotel. we rested a bit, drank our complementary guava juice. rode monorail to Bukit Bintang. walked around, ate sapporo ramen, accidentally errased all of mom's pics in her new digital camera. we rode the monorail again to Bukit Nanas and walked all the way to Petronas Twin Towers. got tons of pics, ate more Malay food. stumbled outside the tower.... no serious injuries. rode taxi back to hotel. was soaked in tub for a min when d fire alarm went off. went down all the way from 9th floor. somebody from 5th flr was smoking and set the sprinkler on. STUPID!!!!! have to go back up via stairs. tired. miss my hubby!

original teng family in SG Flyer

2009-06-04T11:39:00.002-04:00

10:30AM: Left house and went to Suntec City for lunch.

12:00NN : Met with Irene to eat at ëat all you poriage

1:30PM : Went to FUNAN; mom bought a new Olympus digital camera.

5:00PM : Rode the Singapore Flyer. NICE!

7:30PM : Met with Irene in Pan Pacific for dinner.

9:00+PM : Home!!!

We're leaving for Malaysia tomorrow.

Singapore Gallore Day 1 (flight out of Phil.)

2009-06-02T20:53:00.003-04:00

Half-day in DMIA (Clark) waiting for 8PM flight to SG.

9:10AM - Left for SM Sta Mesa.

10:30AM - Back in the House. Lunch.

11:45AM - Left for Cubao Partas Bus Station.

1:00PM - Rode bus to DMIA (Clark, Pampanga)

2:30PM - Arrived in Clark DMIA

6:00PM - Check In

8:00PM - Take off

11:10PM - Touch DOWN in SG!!

12:00+MN- Arrived in Adrian's home

1:30AM (June 4) - SLEEPING TIME!!!

my side of the story

2009-05-25T19:50:00.004-04:00

MY SIDE OF THE STORY VIDEO

I have trouble embedding the video here. Click the link if you wanna listen to the song. It will be released on July 2009. Heard this first in Criminal Mind Season4 Episode 17.

A cold wind blows
I am shivering
My body aches
As my heart is breaking
Why is life making me hollow?
Why is happiness casting me in the shadows?
In the shadow

Hold on, don’t turn and walk away
Save me
And I cried these words
But nobody came

I’m all alone
Running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up
Stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story
Nobody cares
Nobody’s there
No one will hear
My side of the story

Emptiness all around me
I try to catch my breath
Barely surving
I can’t go on
I come undone
There’s nothing left in me

Hold on
Don’t turn and walk away
Save me
And I cry these words
But nobody came

I’m alone
Running scared
Losing my way in the dark
I tried to get up
Stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my burden to bear
But nobody cares
Nobody’s there
No one will hear….

As I hold out
As I fold in
I cry these words
But nobody came
I’m all alone
Running scared
Losing my way in the dark

I tried to get up
Stand on a prayer
But I keep crashing down hard
This is my side of the story
Only my side of the story

My side of the story
Only my burden to bear

But nobody cares
Nobody’s there
No one will hear...

My side of the story

*** *** ***

We all go through tough times in our life, i have found yourself really beaten by life and even prayers could not save me from the depression. This song would really touched my heart. Sometimes I feel that the desperation seems larger than my faith and the mountain just seems too immovable. And though I keep standing tall I just keep crashing down, the wind howls, the sorrow continues and nobody understands the silent tears.

I hope somebody will hear my side of the story.

i'm ... depressed.

2009-05-23T02:22:00.002-04:00

yep, that's it. nothing to say. just plain depressed.
i'll be okay. just needed to say that out loud.
sleepy time!

American Idol 2009: Kris Allen

2009-05-20T22:09:00.004-04:00

wow! didn't expect that he'd win. the entire 2 hour finale highlighted Adam Lambert and then they announced Kris Allen won! Whoo hoo!! Nice! The show wasn't so bad, although I have to admit I was able to predict 3/3 of the awards. Rod and Lionel wasn't in their best game. This is actually the first time that the person that I like won! I wasn't holding my breath because the judges liked Adam so much... and I never really bought the whole 'Adam Glambert' package. He's not good at all, always shouting and making my ears hurt. Not fun to watch.

So.... CONGRATULATIONS KRIS!! Now all you gotta do is make an album and see if it sells like a hotcake! Don't worry you got the whole AI machinery behind you now.